The Wheel of the Year

Ever since I encountered the first neo pagans in my life, I have felt ambivalent about the 8 festivals they celebrate every year. I'm not a farmer, but a city girl and I know nothing about sowing and harvesting. And anyway the growing of our food has very little to do with the seasons nowadays. So I find it difficult to relate to the neo pagan wheel of the year.

The beginning of summer and summer itself, and the beginning of winter and winter itself are what I can notice in my daily life. Times of harvest can vary in different places in the world and in different eras, but the solstices and equinoxes are the same everywhere and always.
I never really liked to celebrate midsummer though, because all it means to me is that there will be less light soon.

So it's only 3 festivals I have been celebrating consistently over the years. Oh yes I tried all the other festivals too, but only the beginning of summer- spring, the beginning of winter – autumn and midwinter are always honoured with special celebrations and at least a seasonal altar. This is how I feel it and this is what, in a very natural way, became my practise over the years.

This happens to coincide with how the ancient heathens of Northern Europe did it :)
There is an overwhelming amount of evidence that Scandinavian pagans only knew 2 seasons: summer and winter. Hence the names MIDsummer and MIDwinter for the solstices. And they celebrated only 3 large seasonal festivals: the beginning of summer, the beginning of winter and midwinter. But the exact dates could vary.

That these three festivals were also celebrated around where I live, in the province of Noord Holland in the Netherlands, is proved by some very interesting archaeological finds. Sacrificial pits were found around iron age farms at different locations. Analysis of the content of these pits shows, that the sacrifices took place three times a year: at spring, autumn and winter.

It is not just coincidence that these three festivals became prominent in the Roman Catholic calendar: Easter, All Saints and Christmas. Of course minor agricultural festivals were celebrated also, but those festivals had a wide variation, depending on climate and soil. There was never a thing like one big harvest festival all over Europe. That's just impossible in practice! When harvest is done, you celebrate and give thanks. And this can never be on a set date, for it depends on sunshine and rain. This city girl understands that much about farming.

So whenever I read yet another invitation to one of the 8 neo pagan festivals, it all feels a little forced to me. City folks driving their cars to a place in a park or wood, to re-enact a farmers festival that never took place in pagan times. Connecting with Mother Nature, while polluting the air on their way back home …

Of course, of course I know about the deeper spiritual meanings of the wheel of the year, how it reflects the seasons in our lives, etc. I also know about different myths, old and new, giving more meaning to it all. And I understand it is a perfect structure for the work in a coven and it's a lovely excuse for regular social meetings. So if you feel like it, please continue to celebrate all of them. Please do!

But please also know your history. Know that Gerald Gardner, the founding father of Wicca, started with only 4 seasonal celebrations, based on some festivals found in different locations in Great Britain: Imbolc, Beltaine, Lammas and Samhain. Only later he added the 4 festivals celebrated by the English Druids: the equinoxes and solstices. And so the 8 spokes of the wheel of the year were born, about just half a century ago.

For me the number 3 has my preference.
It is my UPG (unverified personal gnosis) that this number, together with triangles, were immensely important to the ancient ancestors.
3 x 3 = 9 And the significance of the sacred number 9 can hardly be over estimated. I think many will agree with me on at least this.

I do realize that just 3 festivals do not cover all the traditions of our ancestors.
- There is the first of May, when annual salaries were paid (and debts collected!). What might explain the tradition of celebrating and getting married on that day. Or was it the other way round and were servants paid because it was a special day?
- And what about carnival? The feast of the reversal of roles, when villages and cities were ruled by a fool. In a highly hierarchical society like pre Christian Europe, with it's sacred kingship and slavery, there was a need for a few days like that.
- Another is the day of Saint Nicolas, with a kind of re-enactment of the wild hunt.

- etc. etc. etc.

But I know for sure that these traditional celebrations never neatly fitted into a schedule with periods of 6 weeks. Our ancestors feasted when the time was there and only when the important work was done.

Hail to the Ancient Ones!

Claimed by Thor

 

Many years ago, I went to a special place in the woods to dedicate myself to a Goddess. 

But the ritual did not go as I had planned. It was not meant to be, not at that time in my life.
When it comes to true initiation, it is not the humans who decide. A person can not claim a Deity, it is the other way around. The Gods choose their humans.

So when I walked out of that forest, I had been claimed by Thor.

 

I was a little puzzled by what had just happened, but it felt good. It was right on many deep levels. And after all these years I'm still grateful that Thor stepped into my life at that moment.
He is the Very Best Friend a girl like me can have!


Thor is the Guardian of everything good, fertile and sacred. And He is not a bit shy to use force to protect what is important to Him. Annoy Him and he will swing his lightning hammer at you. He is in complete control of the lightning and the energy in it: electricity. And this is not His only strength, He is the Son of Earth and is in fact invincible.

Many people make the mistake to think that Thor is just a muscle man with little brains. This is because of some stories about Him that were (re)written in Christian times. The leaders of the new religion had every reason to try to put down the most popular Deity of the common folks. They could not deny his strength, so they depicted Him as just a dumb bully.

But Thor has deep rooted wisdom and knowledge. He is not cunning like Odin, but He is wise, clever and straightforward. Standing His ground and protecting the ground with all means possible if necessary.


So after He claimed me, I started to really like Him. 

But only recently I've come to understand why he chose me. Actually it is quite obvious, but I couldn't see what was right under my nose.

I am His kind. Of course!

I'm a fighter and I protect what is important and sacred to me with all means at hand – in my case: words. I have strong feelings about honesty, truth, justice, respect, equality and I tend to lash out whenever my principles are violated. I can get really vicious when I sense dishonesty or hypocrisy, or harmful stupidity.

This is not acceptable in my culture, specially not for a woman. Countless people , friend and foe, told me to tame my words. So I started reading about non violent communication and did the best I could. But it has always been a struggle, because it's against my nature not to speak out freely.

Toning down your words is not always effective BTW. At times you just need to be sharp (even a little mean) to get a message through. Lets be honest for a moment. Most people love to read a critical text and many also love to read some good word fighting online. But they will condemn the writers later, after the entertainment is over.

This morning I made a trance journey and I invited all my Helpers to share their wisdom and advise. Not just one group, but all of them, my Ancestors, my Spirit Helpers, my Power Animals and the Gods. My question was: What is the energetic or spiritual cause of my increasingly bad health. (Asthma among other things)
And in stepped Thor, together with Bear.

Thor's message was very clear.
He said that I have more and more difficulty with breathing, because I don't speak freely anymore. I do not use the strength that was given to me, so it is turning inwards and against me.

Hm

So dear folks, whenever I lash out in the future, just remember I always mean well.

I really do!!!
If you don't like my tone of voice, I'm sorry. But I have to be, who I am born to be and not what you like me to be. We all have our own roles to play in this game we call life. And people with sharp tongues have their place too. Sometimes things need to be said and I'm one of those people who is not afraid to say them.

You can shoot the messenger, if you like, or you can try to understand the message. The choice is all yours.

I will keep trying to choose my words carefully, but I will stop biting my tongue.

Hail Thor!

About Freya and The Goddess

When I first discovered modern paganism,  I was fascinated by all the ancient Goddesses. Something awoke in me,  I had dreams about Mesopotamian temples and tried to find books about ancient mythologies. It was in the time before Internet and not at all easy to find information about pre Egyptian cultures. I thought Inanna was the oldest known Goddess and I wanted to get to know Her.

But I got to a point in my life when I decided I wanted to connect with the energies of the land where I live. I wanted to connect with the old Germanic Gods, Who gave Their names to the days of the week. So I shifted my affection to Freya. Freya is one of the Vanir , the Gods Who were there before the Aesir, so She is the oldest well-known Norse Goddess. And on top of that : She taught witchcraft.  What a match!

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't feel Her. Not in the way I could feel the presence of Inanna sometimes,  or Mary when I was a child.
I thought that maybe I was just not trying hard enough.  So I went to the forest one day, to do a ritual and make things right. My focus was: I want to connect with the Goddess of this land.
At the supreme moment I threw my hands in the air and heard me say: I want to dedicate myself to Thor!  (something like that, it was in Dutch of course)

Thor?  Yes Thor.  I'm not sure what happened that moment, but I learned there and then it is not the humans who pick their patron God, it works the other way round.
I didn't really know Thor at that moment, but I love Him with all my heart now. And I'm ever so grateful that He picked me, He is the best friend a girl can have.

 
Years passed by and I started researching seidhr with a friend. Because of this research I visited a group of burial mounts regularly. The people who rest in these mounts, lived in the late neolithics or early bronze age. I would sit on these mounts and go into a trance. In this way I 'met' some spirits, who were not only willing to talk with me, they also wanted to teach me. You can read more about this here

After some meetings with one of these spirit teachers,  I asked about their Gods. He was confused by my question and asked what I was talking about. I started to explain about the powers Who made the sun go round and crops grow, when he interrupted me and said: "oh, you mean She".
"Yes I guess so ",  I said, " what's Her name? "
He answered:" Name?  She has no name, She just IS. "
 
No Freya there either......


 
Then...
I got seriously involved in a project around a crossing of leylines in the the old city of Amsterdam. I never believed in leylines,  but something was definitely there and it got stronger and stronger, the more rituals I performed there.
Part of the project was that we needed to renew an altar for The Goddess there. So I did. But I was far more concerned with my shamanic work and all the other energies there.

I made a statue with paper mache and worked 69 names of Goddesses into it. For the inauguration of the new altar I organized a procession with this statue, along one of the leylines. The Goddess altar and the leyline crossing were in a spiritual bookshop, that went bankrupt soon after the procession. There was just enough time to bring the statue and some of my personal belongings home, before the doors closed and everything else was sold.

I was disappointed and angry. The Goddess statue was wrapped in silk and plastic and I left it somewhere in a corner in my house.  But the procession had been such a success, I had promised people to do it again the next year. I felt obliged to keep my promise.
While preparing for the second procession, I went to a misa spiritual (read here how I got there) and got this message: I had nothing to walk the procession with,  if I did not take the statue out of this corner to recharge it.

 
This is how the Goddess took Her place in my house and in my life. At first I thought it would be for just a few months. But She had other plans!
Now 5 years later,  my living room is Her temple. Don't worry Thor has His place of honor there.
In my daily ritual I call Her 'Vrouwe'.  That is old fashioned Dutch for 'Lady'.  She has no name,  She is the One Who Is.

Now those who know a little about etymology might have noticed something. It took me almost 5 years to realize something I had known much longer. It occurred to me only a few months ago.
What is the old Norse word for lady? 
FREYJA!
Duh!

The gap in Norse tradition I fell into

I once considered myself to be asatru. I was true to the Norse Gods, studied the poetic Edda in 3 different translations, discussed the lore with heathens from all over the world on the (then rather new) internet and read every book about Nose mythology and European folk traditions I could get my hands on.
Me being what I am, I've always been a somewhat out of the box asatru of course.  Shamanism and direct spiritual experiences don't go well with many members of the heathen community.

About 14 years ago something happened with me, that caused immobilizing chronic pain. After seeing dozens of doctors and therapists for many years , I gave up the fight and just learned to live with the pain and accepted life would never be the same again.
I had lost my job, walked with a crutch, could not ride a bike (disaster in the Netherlands) and had to rest many hours during the day.

One day I went to get some incense in the Botanica in Amsterdam, where I live,  and was invited to attend the Misa Espiritual. I had told the Santero that I was true to the Norse Gods,  but I was welcome anyway, so I went. I had no idea what to expect, but was very, very curious. It was a strange experience, with a lot of roman catholic prayer and me not understanding at all what was going on.

That afternoon I was told that I was the daughter of San Lazaro.  And that he could heal me, if I did a little ritual for him.
I Was terribly confused when I got home. How could I be the daughter of a South American saint, or even worse: an African God, while I had already been called by the Norse Gods?!
It had never occurred to me before, to ask my Gods for healing. People don't easily talk about these things in the asatru community.
At first I thought that maybe San Lazaro,  would somehow be connected with one of the Norse Gods. But San Lazaro is Babalu Aye, "Father Earth", Who lives at the gate of the graveyard. There is no Norse Deity that even comes close to this African God.
I fell into a serious spiritual crisis.

Eir is the only one in the Norse pantheon known for healing powers. But we know hardly anything about Her.  Scholars are not even sure if She is a Goddess or a valkyrie. We just know the name and nothing else. I had no idea how to approach Her,  what to offer,  how to address Her. And none could tell me,  not in Holland and not on the international email lists.
While the Santero had given me detailed information about what to get for San Lazaro,  colors,  numbers, offerings, even a special kind of fabric.

After months of research, doubt, distress and even feeling guilty,  I decided to cast the runes. They indicated no problem at all! So I went to the botanica, bought the purple candle. I got the red unions, the sack,  black eyed peas, etc and set up a little altar for this Saint who represented an African God.
The candle burned for 7 days and one morning during that week I woke up with the inspiration to do some very subtle, micro level, stretching exercises.
To cut a long story short: I ride my bike again, walk without crutch and can do much more than I could ever dream of in the days before I met  Babalu Aye!

This happened years ago. I've been a regular visitor of the Botanica for a long time and I observed how effective their way of doing things is. I adopted some of the customs I saw there into my own daily practice, after adjusting them to my own ways and my Gods are not complaining at all.
The most important and beautiful thing I learned from Don Azito was how to reconnect with my ancestors. The Norse tradition had never given me the tools to overcome the trauma of a very difficult family history. He taught me how to make peace with myself and the deceased.  The threads were once cut, but my ancestors are standing right behind me now.

I learned all I could in the Botanica and then had to leave,  things were getting uncomfortable. I guess my Gods felt it was enough, I had learned what I had to learn.  I don't go there anymore, but I will always be grateful for Don Azito's wonderful lessons and support. And I keep a little shrine for Babalu Aye in my bedroom.
And you know what?  I've been discovering the healing powers of Thor lately,  Who has been my patron God for so many years. I had to go through all this,  to get to a level of faith that is hardly ever talked about by heathens. Isn't life wonderful!

In another post I will write about how the Goddess came into my life to stay. Another thing most people in the asatru community can't understand. You can find it here: About Freya and The Goddess
I'm OK with that. I just walk my own winding path. I never chose my Gods,  the Gods picked me. And I don't want to call myself asatru anymore, or heathen. I'm proud to be just myself.