And what am I supposed to do now?

Over the years I got acquainted with with quite a few Spirit helpers. Most of them people who pasted away a long, long time ago. And with a long time I mean more than a 1000 or even 2000 years. A few of them I know by name and they were the ones who gave me my name.

 I met them during seidhr trances, singing while holding my staff. And I met them during utisetta trances, meditating on neolithic burial mounts.
I called them and asked them to teach me, which some of them did. I learned some useful techniques and some other things, way out of my comfort zone.

So, yes I can call Spirits and talk with them, learn from them. I did it out of curiosity, to train myself and because I started liking it. It's a special energy that feels good and comfortable to me.

Some years ago I could make good use of all this knowledge, when I worked daily with an ancient energy spot in the old centre of Amsterdam. It was a weird, spooky place and at the same time beautiful and wonderful. I created an energetic tunnel for all the wandering souls who passed there in an endless parade towards the Summer land and I made a truce with those who wanted to stay. This made it possible for the lovely energy of the leycentre to flow more freely and grow stronger and stronger. It was a truly wonderful work.

I didn't do all this work by myself. I got help from another shaman who summoned some powerful helping spirits for me. He was, at that time, the caretaker of the Stonehenge Skull, a skull carved from a piece of sarson stone, left behind after the restoration of Stonehenge in the '50.

In a powerful ceremony 4 guardians stepped forward to hold the energy in the 4 directions. I made them a place to stay and fed them regularly.

It only lasted for a few months. When the energies were all nicely balanced, the affairs of living humans, a bankruptcy to be precise, spoiled everything. We had to leave in a hurry and my shaman friend called back the guardians, who were connected to the Stonehenge Skull.
I admit I was very disappointed and a little angry, but on the other hand I knew very well that nothing happens without a reason. Even though I would have loved to continue this work, apparently what had to be done at that time, was done.

To me it all seems like ages ago now. So many things happened since then.
Some of my Spirit helpers are with me when I do readings, or they work through me when I give healing. And I keep an altar for them in my house temple. But over the years I started to neglect them more and more. Specially this last year, after I took up the study of Vedanta, I hardly ever contacted them. Until some weeks ago.

All of a sudden I felt the urge to test my abilities. Don't ask me why, I can't really explain, but I wanted to make contact with the Spirit of a historical figure, from another time, another culture and a place on the other side of the globe.
After proper preparation I build an appropriate altar. And because this spirit has the potential to be very powerful and rather nasty, I asked for support from all my trusted friends in the Spirit world.

Usually when I cast a circle I greet and invite the powers of the quarters, but I only ask for the protection of Thor. This time I heard myself call for the protection of the Guardians in all 4 directions.
And there they were! I recognized their energy with tears in my eyes.

They came walking towards me from afar, just like they used to years ago. And they stood guard, protecting silly me.

All my Spirit helpers were there, greeting, watching, circling around me. I never felt so save, so comfortable, so loved, so grateful.

And yes, I did contact the foreign king. And, a few days later, I apologised for bothering him for no good reason. He said it amused him, so no real harm was done there.

What I have to figure out now is:
Why I do have this talent?
Why do these spirits keep hanging around and support me, while I neglect them?
What are they waiting for?
What on earth am I supposed to do with all the things I learned?

WHAT ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!


The follow up to this blog you can find here

About Freya and The Goddess

When I first discovered modern paganism,  I was fascinated by all the ancient Goddesses. Something awoke in me,  I had dreams about Mesopotamian temples and tried to find books about ancient mythologies. It was in the time before Internet and not at all easy to find information about pre Egyptian cultures. I thought Inanna was the oldest known Goddess and I wanted to get to know Her.

But I got to a point in my life when I decided I wanted to connect with the energies of the land where I live. I wanted to connect with the old Germanic Gods, Who gave Their names to the days of the week. So I shifted my affection to Freya. Freya is one of the Vanir , the Gods Who were there before the Aesir, so She is the oldest well-known Norse Goddess. And on top of that : She taught witchcraft.  What a match!

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't feel Her. Not in the way I could feel the presence of Inanna sometimes,  or Mary when I was a child.
I thought that maybe I was just not trying hard enough.  So I went to the forest one day, to do a ritual and make things right. My focus was: I want to connect with the Goddess of this land.
At the supreme moment I threw my hands in the air and heard me say: I want to dedicate myself to Thor!  (something like that, it was in Dutch of course)

Thor?  Yes Thor.  I'm not sure what happened that moment, but I learned there and then it is not the humans who pick their patron God, it works the other way round.
I didn't really know Thor at that moment, but I love Him with all my heart now. And I'm ever so grateful that He picked me, He is the best friend a girl can have.

 
Years passed by and I started researching seidhr with a friend. Because of this research I visited a group of burial mounts regularly. The people who rest in these mounts, lived in the late neolithics or early bronze age. I would sit on these mounts and go into a trance. In this way I 'met' some spirits, who were not only willing to talk with me, they also wanted to teach me. You can read more about this here

After some meetings with one of these spirit teachers,  I asked about their Gods. He was confused by my question and asked what I was talking about. I started to explain about the powers Who made the sun go round and crops grow, when he interrupted me and said: "oh, you mean She".
"Yes I guess so ",  I said, " what's Her name? "
He answered:" Name?  She has no name, She just IS. "
 
No Freya there either......


 
Then...
I got seriously involved in a project around a crossing of leylines in the the old city of Amsterdam. I never believed in leylines,  but something was definitely there and it got stronger and stronger, the more rituals I performed there.
Part of the project was that we needed to renew an altar for The Goddess there. So I did. But I was far more concerned with my shamanic work and all the other energies there.

I made a statue with paper mache and worked 69 names of Goddesses into it. For the inauguration of the new altar I organized a procession with this statue, along one of the leylines. The Goddess altar and the leyline crossing were in a spiritual bookshop, that went bankrupt soon after the procession. There was just enough time to bring the statue and some of my personal belongings home, before the doors closed and everything else was sold.

I was disappointed and angry. The Goddess statue was wrapped in silk and plastic and I left it somewhere in a corner in my house.  But the procession had been such a success, I had promised people to do it again the next year. I felt obliged to keep my promise.
While preparing for the second procession, I went to a misa spiritual (read here how I got there) and got this message: I had nothing to walk the procession with,  if I did not take the statue out of this corner to recharge it.

 
This is how the Goddess took Her place in my house and in my life. At first I thought it would be for just a few months. But She had other plans!
Now 5 years later,  my living room is Her temple. Don't worry Thor has His place of honor there.
In my daily ritual I call Her 'Vrouwe'.  That is old fashioned Dutch for 'Lady'.  She has no name,  She is the One Who Is.

Now those who know a little about etymology might have noticed something. It took me almost 5 years to realize something I had known much longer. It occurred to me only a few months ago.
What is the old Norse word for lady? 
FREYJA!
Duh!

Wicca? Witchcraft? hmmm

A while ago there were some lively discussions about witchcraft, in Dutch groups on Facebook. It was just like the 'Old Times' when exactly the same discussions took place on the internet forums that predated Facebook. And after all these years I see the same people, making the same statements all over again. So I would like to repeat my own point of view, which hasn't changed either. But now I can write about it with even more confidence.



Are witchcraft and wicca the same?

Oh no! No, no! they are not!  No matter how hard some Wiccans try to claim the word witchcraft all for themselves.


Wicca is a branch on the tree of the western mystery tradition. It is an initiatory religion, with a set of characteristic of its own.
Casting circles, altars, watchtowers, swords, elements and directions corresponding with each other, it all comes from ceremonial magic and has very little to do with ancient witchcraft.  The basic initiation rites are, slightly altered, copies from the rites of free masonry.The God and Goddess are based on a mythology that developed from the work of some romantic scholars. The 8 festivals are a combination of Celtic folklore and modern Druid influences.

It is a beautiful tradition! Gardner did an excellent job and created a meaningful new religion, that has great importance in this time.

No wonder wicca has inspired so many non-wiccans to copy all that has ever been published about it and start their own little traditions. Some call themselves eclectic witches, some traditional, or hereditary witches, neo wicca, etc.

Just look at how many new traditions have invented their own founding mythologies about grandmother's who were witch queens, or chief high priestesses, while all they offer is a watered down version of wicca, based on the many books published about it. Some ask loads of money for membership of a 'coven', with guaranteed initiation after a year and a day. But they can never offer the quality of a genuin wicca training (which is almost free btw)
So at first sight you would say, that all modern western witchcraft indeed stems from wicca.

But is it witchcraft?

Do you have to believe in a God and Goddess to be a witch?
I don't think so!
Do you have to cast a circle to do the work of a witch?
Not really!
Do you need wicca tools , like pentacle and athame, etc, to be a witch?
No you don't!
Do you need to be initiated into any kind of tradition to be a witch?
Absolutely not!
Celebrate 8 festivals? Dance naked in the moonlight? Cake and wine ceremonies? 
All lovely customs, but it doesn't really make you a witch!

Real witches are found all over the world. Some are good, some bad, most are something in between. They are called with many local names, but in the west we know them as medicine man, witch doctor, shaman. They are men and women who know how to cross the border between the living and the dead, between the world of people and the Gods and spirits. And they not only know how to come back again, with useful information, they also know how to use the information from the other world in a most practical way.

This ancient wisdom can also still be found in modern Europe, if you try hard enough to find it. Some people did and they have nothing to do with wicca or anything like it. Seidhr workers for example, or hoodoo practitioners, or any other practitioner of a  witchcraft tradition from remote parts of the world.

I am seidhr worker and I learned my craft from the Spirits, through shamanism and the study of Old Norse sagas and European folklore. Seidhr is the real witchcraft of Old Europe, not a romantic reconstruction of a made up 'old religion', but the real, sometimes scary, stuff.
When I hold my staff, sing my song and the Spirits gather round  to sing with me,
I am practising witchcraft.
When I sing a little song in the light of the full moon and next morning happens what I was singing about,
I am practising witchcraft
When I let a Spirit work through me while I heal a client with just my voice,
I am practising witchcraft.
When I go out to the local herb garden, to bring an offering to its guardian and pray for the right amount of rain and sunshine for his garden,
I am practising witchcraft.
When I'm lost in the city and a crow comes to show me the way,
it is the result of me practising witchcraft.

This has nothing to do with initiation, fancy tools, or ceremonial magic.
This has nothing to do with wicca, nor with its offspring.

The witchcraft I practise is much older and is taught mostly by Spirits. All it takes is dedicated training, courage and a lot of common sense.
If someone tells me I'm not a witch because I'm not initiated into wicca, it makes me smile. It just shows, that the person doesn't really know what is going on in the worlds.

My Seidhr Staff

Don't ask me why, but many years ago I wanted to visit Hel, the realm of the dead where the Goddess Hel is the hospitable ruler. Of course it had everything to do with my preoccupation with seidhr at the time.
I already knew other parts of the underworld, the misty realms where deceased and shamans can easily meet. But I wanted to go further.

I figured the best entrance would be the land of Lady Holda, Frau Holle, who I consider to be the same Goddess or at least an aspect of Hel.
So I jumped into the well and went to the beautiful green land with the apple tree and the oven. Every time I went there I got beautiful messages and had exciting adventures which gave deep insights, but I never made to the cottage. I did get very good at jumping in that well though.

I found a path leading into a forest, mountains in the distance and the landscape getting more and more rocky, but I lost my way every time I went there. After trying many times I got fed up and exclaimed "come on, isn't there anyone who can give me some help here?!" I looked down and saw a metal rod in my hand with a kind of open knob at the top, made out of twisted wires. It resembled a kind of scepter or jester staff but it was a bit longer.

The staff led the way, all I had to do was to follow it. And yes, I did find the cottage, but the door was closed. It took me another jump in the well to get there and find the door open. But with this magic staff in my hand it was no trouble at all to find it again. And after I had met the Lady who lives there, I got permission to go further, to go over the mountains and the staff led the way. I did find the realm of the dead and it wasn't at all easy to get in, it took several more jumps into the well. And it wasn't at all pleasant to be there. I do NOT recommend it!

It was more than a year later when I saw some pictures of metal objects, found by archeologists in Viking age graves, staffs with open knobs. And Neil Price -  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Price_%28archaeologist%29 -claimed these not to be roasting skewers, but völva staffs. Can you imagine how shocked I was? And how delighted?!


 So when we started our practical seidhr research, one of the first things I did, was to make a metal staff like the one I was using in my trance journeys.
It is very thin and not very comfortable to hold in real life, so after a while I made an upgraded version, with wood inside the twisted metal wire. This was the best I could do, not being able to forge a proper one myself.  It works very well, I love it and I still use it for almost all my staff trances.

 I promise to write more about staff trance later.

I do hope that all my readers understand that this blog is mostly about trance experiences. I don't jump into wells in real life. Really I don't :-)
If you’re not familiar with the story of Frau Holle I'm refering to, you can find it here: http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/grimm024.html

About seidhr - what is it?

So what is seidhr?
5 years ago I would have started quoting sagas and the edda now. But all my references are locked up in an old PC that crashed a long time ago. And I'm happy for it!

Yes it's good to read and yes it's very good to know the lore. Without the hints in the sagas I would never have been able to reconstruct some old practises. Without all my books I would never have realized that there once was a genuine shamanic tradition in North Western Europe.

And there it is, the answer to the question: seidhr is a form of shamanism practised in Northern Europe during the Viking age. Hah!

The thing with shamanism is you can read and write about it as much as you like, but you will never be able to understand it unless you start practising it yourself. I was already practising shamanic techniques, when I started to discover seidhr. Had I not, I would probably not have been able to recognize the hints I found in books. Read old fairytales - the original ones, not the Disney versions- and  sometimes, it is just like reading a trance journey journal!

So what did I find in the sagas and the eddas?
I found stories about female clearvoyants traveling around the country, to answer people's questions. They would perform elaborate rituals, involving a platform or high seat, a staff and special songs.
I found stories about shapeshifting, weather magic, supernatural guides, journeys to the realm of the dead, talking to dead people, healing songs, sitting outside searching for a vision.

I found stories about carving magical formulas and singing songs of power. Wait a minute ...... I can hear some people's thoughts - yes I am clairvoyant. Some readers are thinking now: " hey, this is something different, this is about runes and galdr, this has nothing to do with seidhr! Seidhr is about sneaky, cunning, feminine tricks and vague things like trance. Galdr is proud and honest manly magic, keep your hands off evil witch!"

Well, after studying and most of all practising magic for about 25 years, this witch is convinced that there is no such thing as a strict line between different kinds of magic. Not between 'white' and 'black', not even between ceremonial and shamanic and certainly not between seidhr and galdr.

In my opinion, based on a lot of practical experience, galdr is part of seidhr and trance is part of galdr. It is impossible to work any kind of magic effectively without altering you state of consciousness. In other words: you are in some kind of trance while working magic, weather you like it out not. Singing runes is just one  of many ways to use your voice to state 'Your Will' and singing is imho the most important technique used in seidhr.
I promise I will write more about magical song another time.

Back to what I found.
I read Ginzburg's books about the  Benedanti in Italy and after that accounts of the witch trials in the Netherlands. Then I studied local folk tales and legends. And all of it, sagas, eddas, witch trials, folk tales pointed towards the same thing: a tradition of trance journeying and communing with otherworldly beings.
It all pointed to an old, now forgotten, European shamanic tradition. And the sagas gave the most complete accounts of it.

So how do I practise seidhr?
Some of the following I do on a daily basis, some of it I don't practise anymore, due to circumstances:
Singing healing songs
Singing enchantments
Communing with nature spirits
Going into deep trances holding a staff
Journeying to the realm of the dead
Working rune magic
Sitting on burial mounds to commune with the Ancient Ones
Sitting on a high seat answering questions
Horsing spirits and Deities
(Horsing is to allow to be possessed by a being who has no material body)

I do play drums again now, I just love to play them. But I never touched my drum while I was exploring seidhr. I don't need a drum or rattle anymore to enter a trance, softly singing while holding my staff, brings me faster and deeper into a trance than anything else.
My favorite way of journeying is in bed, using the 'twilight zone' between wake and sleep, I think this was the most common way to journey for the old European witches /shamans.



More than 700 words already and I feel I haven’t even started yet.
This is just a broad outline for people who never  heard about seidhr before. Most people who already know about it, will most probably not agree with some things I say. That’s ok.

This is my vision after many years of studying, trying, working, failure and succes. I know many people interested in Norse Tradition love to quote sources, and debate semantics. I used to be like that too (and I still love a good discussion sometimes) But I left behind theory to focus on practise only and it’s not important to me anymore to remember Who Wrote What Where. What matters to me now is what I learned and what I can do with this knowledge.

All Hail!

Mount Spirits

My most important spirit helpers are nothing like the enlightened ascended masters that New age mediums like to work with. They are also not the kind of spirit helpers that like to work during an espiritismo white misa. No, they are not attracted by Catholic prayer.

These spirits are ancient, from a long forgotten culture, with values that are not common nowadays. All we know about these people is the pottery they left behind and some traces of pole holes that show were they once lived. And everywhere in this country you can find their burial mounds, little bumps in the landscape that many people find inviting to sit on for a picnic. Little do these people know about those who dwell there. And little do they know about how some of these spirits create this inviting atmosphere to feed on the energy of the living.

They were once used to being worshiped, their descendants would come to bring offerings and feast in their honor. Even long after their own people had all died and their names were forgotten, their resting places were still revered as sacred. Not now anymore, their mounts have been dug up by archeologists, their bones are on exhibition in museums, their stone tools are considered primitive.

Many years ago I read about 'utisetta' an old Norse word for sitting out to get a vision. And I understood this sitting was often done on a burial mound. In Viking age society you could go out to sit on the burial mounds of direct ancestors of course and ask for guidance. Alas my ancestors don't rest in mounds and it's not allowed to sit on graves in this culture.  (Though I did sit on my grandfather's grave once, when my sisters and I found it on an abandoned graveyard, but that's an other story).

Because I was studying seidhr and everything related to it, I went to a field with ancient bronze age burial mounts, not at all knowing what to expect. My friend and I were cautious and approached the first little hill we saw very carefully, while we were not even sure if it was a burial mound our not.
Both trained in shamanic techniques and used to contact with otherworldly realms, we felt the barrier simultaneously. We were prepared and took out the little offerings we brought with us. After asking permission and offering at every barrier we encountered, we were welcomed at our first 'fairy hill'. And a great adventure had started.

There were so many of these hills in the field and over a period of a few months we visited them all. Some wanted to be left alone, some lured us in and sucked our energy. At some I got horrible visions, at some I got terrible headaches and some made me vomit. But a few of them became very special to me and I developed a friendship with some who dwell there.

One of them took me on as a kind of student and started teaching me his old wisdom. He taught me about the essence of the Goddess, calling Her "She Who Is“. He taught me about his culture and showed me things that were only years later confirmed by archeologists. He taught me a magical singing technique and only just a few months ago I found that the same technique is still used in some modern traditions.

The inhabitants of another mount simulated me to become a healer. And with every healing I do, they are right behind me. They have become my most trusted advisors, answering questions about situations in this modern time very accurately.

To talk with them, I don't have to visit their resting places anymore. I can contact these helpers any time I want, they showed me how. But to visit their burial mount is something extra special. I was crying when I came there after staying away for too long. I was so welcome, but I was also reprimanded for neglecting to bring offerings for such a long time.

After resting for thousands of years they have a lot of patience, but in the end it is all about respect. They gave me what I asked for because I asked in the right way, because I came with offerings, because I asked permission, because I asked with due respect. But I should never forget they like, they need!, to get offerings sometimes. Nothing big, nothing special, it is mostly about the effort made and the thought that counts. Though they do have preferences .......

Dear Ancient Ones, I will not stay away for too long again!

Writing about seidhr

A friend, who is following this blog, asked me "So, when are you gonna tell us about seidhr? I'm waiting!" I told her I was working on it, but actually I'm still in the stage of thinking about it.

There are some tough choices I have to make, before I can begin writing.
It has always been complicated to write about magic. Old grimoires never tell the complete, correct story and there's a good reason for it. You just don't, really don't, want any adventurous beginner to make stupid mistakes and work themselves into a psychosis or other problems. Working magic is not without danger. You will attract all kinds of unwanted energies and you have to know how to deal with those. Or you might get just exactly what you asked for and not what you actually wanted, hahah!

On the other hand, nowadays you can find everything you want to know somewhere on the internet, if you search desperately enough. So does it really matter, one more blog?
And is it my responsibility what others do with this information?
I can warn people about the danger and that will scare some off ..... and encourage some others....

This is enough to keep me awake at night, but there is more.

My friend and I started with hardly any information. We had no idea what to expect and that gave us an authentic experience.
When I write about these experiences, I take away from my readers the opportunity to go through this themselves.
And I take away the opportunity to compare results free from expectations.

Wat is wijsheid? (This is Dutch meaning: What is wisdom?)

Oh well, I can start with writing about what I think seidhr is. While typing all this, I realized that many of my readers will probably have no clue what I'm babbling about here :-D
Opinions about what is and isn't seidhr differ, so to give mine might be a good beginning ...
But not today :-P

Searching for seidhr

Up until a few years ago there were just a few people who knew anything about seidhr here in the Netherlands. My former shamanic teacher and I were fascinated by the traces of a genuine old European shamanic tradition, but it was almost impossible to find anyone here, who could tell us more about it. So we decided to find it out by ourselves, both of us where experienced trance workers and we started experimenting together, from scratch

What followed was an intense period of collaboration, sharing, laughter, discovery, friendship, bewilderment, shocks and excitement. We worked hard: experimental ritual every week at my place, daily phone calls to digest new insights and dreams, regular visits to agroup of burial mounds, reading every scrap of information we could lay our hands on and discussing it all in some more phone calls. It all ended with a big bang, as happens so often with people who do just a little too much magical work together.

The bang happened about 5 years ago now. We split up fighting. She wrote a book and I forbade her to include any of the information she got from or through me. Impossible of course, if she had abided by that restriction, there was hardly anything to publish at all. But I think some important parts were left out, what is a shame in retrospective.

Too shaken by what had happened, I couldn't write about seidhr myself anymore, I neglected my website and gave up my domain in the end. It just didn't feel right to make the same mistake and claim something for myself that was ours. But both she and her publisher encouraged me to write my own book.

So now, after years passed and pain healed, I am ready to tell the story and write about what we discovered. Because I think it is an interesting and important story to tell. It shows that it is possible to retrieve an old and long forgotten magical tradition. If you know what you are doing and if you are dedicated enough not to give up when things get rough.
Some old paths are just below the surface to be rediscovered, and if you find the right track, things start happening faster than you could ever imagine. The old magic is still alive!