Shaman?!

 

   I think I should start with writing something about my personal view on shamanism.

In short: Shamanism is the art of controlled trance journeying and communing with helping Spirits in order to build bridges between the different worlds and to restore balance as much as possible. 

A shamanic practitioner can switch between different states of conciousness at will and maintains good relationships with different kinds of helping Spirits. He or she is able to ask specific questions in the other world and come back with accurate, helpful answers. 

This takes training and discipline and it's a way of life, with daily little rituals, offerings and communication with spirits (among other things).

   Over the years I have met many people claiming to be a shaman. In some circles it's fashionable and very cool to have a title like that. And most of the time there are no questions asked. It is not only cool to be a shaman, it's also cool to be able to say you know one.

After meeting a score of these wannabes online, I met my first in real life when I had just finished my 6 years of training and felt a little lost. All of a sudden there were no other shamanic practitioners at hand to work and share with.
So when I was told I could meet another 'shaman', I had to go to satisfy my curiosity. He would be performing – drumming and singing at a meeting of poets and it was all very special, I was promised.

And there he was, a young guy with a large drum. He was high as a kite. He drummed somewhat arrhythmic and sang “heya heya” slightly out of tune. Everyone present thought it was wonderful shamanic song. Except for me. There was nothing happening. He did nothing but drum and sing a little, there was no purpose, no spirit, no energy, there was nothing but a stoned guy singing a song about nothing.

   While writing this, the memory of another experience pops up in my mind, which was quite the opposite. A concert of shamanic music, with different musicians from Mongolia. There was a lot of overtone singing and elaborate costumes, even a little on stage ritual to call in the spirits, but not much was happening. Until this little frail lady took the stage.

She started by saying that she was a little out of place there, for she did not consider herself to be a shaman. Then she showed of an amazing mastery of her voice ranging 5 octaves. But when she took her drum and started improvising, I could clearly SEE what she was singing. I felt the energy waves go through me, for a moment it was as if she was singing just for me. It was only her and me in that concert hall, together with a Divine presence.

After the concert I went over to her and thanked her for that song. She looked me in the eyes, put her hand on my knee and just said “yes”. No more words needed.

This was Sainko Namtchilak.


   So I tend to take those who explicitly DON'T claim to be a shaman a lot more seriously than those who need to throw in the title to identify themselves. When I encounter a self proclaimed shaman, I smile to myself and - but only if I feel like it - I will ask some questions.

- What do you exactly do?

- What do you know about the different trance states?

- Can you control them?

- How do you maintain your relationships in the other worlds?

- Do you come back from the other worlds, with accurate, helpful information?
Most of the time I get back a blank stare, or some online scolding.


   The word shaman is not patented. Anyone is free to use it.
Just buy a drum as large as possible, put some feathers in your hair and there you are.
Take all kinds of natural or chemical substances, so you can loose yourself in other worlds.
Talk to all kinds of spirits, who will gladly talk back, if you have the talent to invite them.
And you can call yourself a shaman, just like the guy who has been to a sweat lodge once or twice.

You can call yourself anything you like, but don't expect me to take you seriously. You may have a talent, but without proper training, without knowing exactly what you're doing and why, you're a danger to yourself and others. Or just a person with identity problems. And in my humble opinion not a shamanic practitioner, let alone a shaman.


   Why do I care, why can't I just let it be?
Because of all the haziness created by people claiming undeserved titles. And because of the implicit disrespect toward the real shamans: those medicine people of indigenous peoples, who went through all the ordeals of traditional training and initiation.
My training and 12 years experience don't even come close to that.
So how could someone with no training at all claim to be just like them? And how can practitioners who don't even believe in the actual existence of Spirits claim to be one of them? Or those who only met their 'Spirit helpers' through a card deck?

   I do know some Westerners I would call shaman though.
My teacher's teacher is one of them. And another is a guy I worked with for some years, who can raise powerful energy, together with his Spirit helpers and who has helped countless people with their healing. And I'm sure there are more out there.
But they are the proverbial exception to the rule, in this culture where people just love to escape reality with romantic fantasies about being different and special, wearing fancy costumes and claiming vague titles. And where genuine ancient knowledge goes unrecognised.


Please note that all examples mentioned are based on real encounters with different people.

Shamanism in modern society

This is the follow up to the blog I posted yesterday

For more than 10 years I have trained in shamanic techniques. Apparently I am highly sensitive and have a talent for contacting spirits and working with them. So it was great fun for me to explore the different worlds, in various ritual settings. What I was looking for most of all was to learn, to know and to understand. And along the way I made some friends in the non-daily realities, who showed and taught me some amazing, some frightening and some beautiful things.

I gave up on my shamanic expeditions when the Goddess – The Lady with 10 000 Names – demanded more and more of my time and energy. So for the last 2 or 3 years I just offered my stone readings and some healing with the help of my otherworldly friends, without hardly ever travelling over to them. I simply maintained these friendships with greeting them regularly and giving little presents at their altar in my house temple.

So I've gathered a lot of knowledge and expertise, and I have ancient, faithful friends who come to me whenever I invite them. And that's it. This is all at the moment.
I worked so hard to get there, but now I'm here, I hardly use anything of all the things I learned.

On Facebook I'm member of some groups discussing shamanism and I meet other shamanic practitioners now and then, IRL or online, but I seldom feel a connection.
Western neo shamanism seems to be all about personal experience. Wonderful trance journeys, amazing mushroom/ayahuasca trips, awesome sweat lodges, hugging power animals, personal healing and a lot of big drums (size does seem to matter here) and feathery accessories. Ah, I forget to mention the drum circles, drumming for Mother Earth, while having a good time getting high. I'm sorry to go a little overboard with sarcasm, but I want to make a point here.

Neo shamanism is about the individual, who wants to feel good, who wants to have a special experience, who wants to work through some personal shit, or who just wants a little ego boost by feeling different and special. When I browse websites of shamanic practitioners here in Holland, all I find, boils down to personal development and healing, mostly through costly workshops and trainings.

Traditionally shamanism is not about “me! me! me! I like it, give me more, cause it feels so good!”
Traditional shamans have their place in a community, not necessarily a comfortable place, but it is an important one. They negotiate with the Spirit world for the well being of the whole community and the land, they restore balance where needed and they are keepers of the places that are sacred to their people.

But where is my community?!
Who wants me to appease the Spirits, or to ask advise from the ancestors?
Who is waiting for me to restore the energetic balance in the land? Who is waiting for a sacred place in this overcrowded country, where every square meter has economical purpose?

The only place where I really, really tried ,is now a shop, selling vintage soccer gear.

When I watch, for instance, videos about Korean shamans, doing large public ceremonies in the middle of Seoul, my whole being is stirred. This is what I have to do! The things I learned are not (just) for healing individual people and they are for sure not to make me feel good. (Although communing with my Spirit helpers does feel good, most of the time.) I have to do something useful with my knowledge, I feel my helpers are waiting to finally get to work with me.

But what and where remains to be seen. As long as there is no community to work with or for, I feel there is not much I can do.

All I can do is ask for guidance and give a shout out to the shamanic community, hoping there are some others like me, who want to take their shamanic work up a level.

And what am I supposed to do now?

Over the years I got acquainted with with quite a few Spirit helpers. Most of them people who pasted away a long, long time ago. And with a long time I mean more than a 1000 or even 2000 years. A few of them I know by name and they were the ones who gave me my name.

 I met them during seidhr trances, singing while holding my staff. And I met them during utisetta trances, meditating on neolithic burial mounts.
I called them and asked them to teach me, which some of them did. I learned some useful techniques and some other things, way out of my comfort zone.

So, yes I can call Spirits and talk with them, learn from them. I did it out of curiosity, to train myself and because I started liking it. It's a special energy that feels good and comfortable to me.

Some years ago I could make good use of all this knowledge, when I worked daily with an ancient energy spot in the old centre of Amsterdam. It was a weird, spooky place and at the same time beautiful and wonderful. I created an energetic tunnel for all the wandering souls who passed there in an endless parade towards the Summer land and I made a truce with those who wanted to stay. This made it possible for the lovely energy of the leycentre to flow more freely and grow stronger and stronger. It was a truly wonderful work.

I didn't do all this work by myself. I got help from another shaman who summoned some powerful helping spirits for me. He was, at that time, the caretaker of the Stonehenge Skull, a skull carved from a piece of sarson stone, left behind after the restoration of Stonehenge in the '50.

In a powerful ceremony 4 guardians stepped forward to hold the energy in the 4 directions. I made them a place to stay and fed them regularly.

It only lasted for a few months. When the energies were all nicely balanced, the affairs of living humans, a bankruptcy to be precise, spoiled everything. We had to leave in a hurry and my shaman friend called back the guardians, who were connected to the Stonehenge Skull.
I admit I was very disappointed and a little angry, but on the other hand I knew very well that nothing happens without a reason. Even though I would have loved to continue this work, apparently what had to be done at that time, was done.

To me it all seems like ages ago now. So many things happened since then.
Some of my Spirit helpers are with me when I do readings, or they work through me when I give healing. And I keep an altar for them in my house temple. But over the years I started to neglect them more and more. Specially this last year, after I took up the study of Vedanta, I hardly ever contacted them. Until some weeks ago.

All of a sudden I felt the urge to test my abilities. Don't ask me why, I can't really explain, but I wanted to make contact with the Spirit of a historical figure, from another time, another culture and a place on the other side of the globe.
After proper preparation I build an appropriate altar. And because this spirit has the potential to be very powerful and rather nasty, I asked for support from all my trusted friends in the Spirit world.

Usually when I cast a circle I greet and invite the powers of the quarters, but I only ask for the protection of Thor. This time I heard myself call for the protection of the Guardians in all 4 directions.
And there they were! I recognized their energy with tears in my eyes.

They came walking towards me from afar, just like they used to years ago. And they stood guard, protecting silly me.

All my Spirit helpers were there, greeting, watching, circling around me. I never felt so save, so comfortable, so loved, so grateful.

And yes, I did contact the foreign king. And, a few days later, I apologised for bothering him for no good reason. He said it amused him, so no real harm was done there.

What I have to figure out now is:
Why I do have this talent?
Why do these spirits keep hanging around and support me, while I neglect them?
What are they waiting for?
What on earth am I supposed to do with all the things I learned?

WHAT ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!


The follow up to this blog you can find here

Claimed by Thor

 

Many years ago, I went to a special place in the woods to dedicate myself to a Goddess. 

But the ritual did not go as I had planned. It was not meant to be, not at that time in my life.
When it comes to true initiation, it is not the humans who decide. A person can not claim a Deity, it is the other way around. The Gods choose their humans.

So when I walked out of that forest, I had been claimed by Thor.

 

I was a little puzzled by what had just happened, but it felt good. It was right on many deep levels. And after all these years I'm still grateful that Thor stepped into my life at that moment.
He is the Very Best Friend a girl like me can have!


Thor is the Guardian of everything good, fertile and sacred. And He is not a bit shy to use force to protect what is important to Him. Annoy Him and he will swing his lightning hammer at you. He is in complete control of the lightning and the energy in it: electricity. And this is not His only strength, He is the Son of Earth and is in fact invincible.

Many people make the mistake to think that Thor is just a muscle man with little brains. This is because of some stories about Him that were (re)written in Christian times. The leaders of the new religion had every reason to try to put down the most popular Deity of the common folks. They could not deny his strength, so they depicted Him as just a dumb bully.

But Thor has deep rooted wisdom and knowledge. He is not cunning like Odin, but He is wise, clever and straightforward. Standing His ground and protecting the ground with all means possible if necessary.


So after He claimed me, I started to really like Him. 

But only recently I've come to understand why he chose me. Actually it is quite obvious, but I couldn't see what was right under my nose.

I am His kind. Of course!

I'm a fighter and I protect what is important and sacred to me with all means at hand – in my case: words. I have strong feelings about honesty, truth, justice, respect, equality and I tend to lash out whenever my principles are violated. I can get really vicious when I sense dishonesty or hypocrisy, or harmful stupidity.

This is not acceptable in my culture, specially not for a woman. Countless people , friend and foe, told me to tame my words. So I started reading about non violent communication and did the best I could. But it has always been a struggle, because it's against my nature not to speak out freely.

Toning down your words is not always effective BTW. At times you just need to be sharp (even a little mean) to get a message through. Lets be honest for a moment. Most people love to read a critical text and many also love to read some good word fighting online. But they will condemn the writers later, after the entertainment is over.

This morning I made a trance journey and I invited all my Helpers to share their wisdom and advise. Not just one group, but all of them, my Ancestors, my Spirit Helpers, my Power Animals and the Gods. My question was: What is the energetic or spiritual cause of my increasingly bad health. (Asthma among other things)
And in stepped Thor, together with Bear.

Thor's message was very clear.
He said that I have more and more difficulty with breathing, because I don't speak freely anymore. I do not use the strength that was given to me, so it is turning inwards and against me.

Hm

So dear folks, whenever I lash out in the future, just remember I always mean well.

I really do!!!
If you don't like my tone of voice, I'm sorry. But I have to be, who I am born to be and not what you like me to be. We all have our own roles to play in this game we call life. And people with sharp tongues have their place too. Sometimes things need to be said and I'm one of those people who is not afraid to say them.

You can shoot the messenger, if you like, or you can try to understand the message. The choice is all yours.

I will keep trying to choose my words carefully, but I will stop biting my tongue.

Hail Thor!

My paradigm

The Tao gives birth to One.
One gives birth to Two.
Two gives birth to Three.
Three gives birth to all things.

Lao Tse

In the end it is all just a moment of material manifestation in the vastness ofeternity.

Vedanta – ancient Indian non-dualism gave me a new and deeper insight into reality, but being a human means that I have to deal with this manifestation, of which I am small particle. And I can't just cast aside all my experiences and encounters with beings from 'other realms'. For they are just as (un)real as I am myself. So where are they in the larger scheme of life?!

This questions has bugged me ever since I 'got' the Vedanta message. For the last 6 months I've gone through a serious spiritual crisis. I could understand the role and place of the different Gods and Spirits intellectually, but I didn't feel it.
Except for The Goddess, She always stayed in Her place!

My inner struggle ended (for the time being) a few days ago, when I was given this picture, during my meditation:

I will try to explain what it means.

In my view there is no such thing as 'higher' and 'lower' energy.

Everything is the same divine energy expanding, 

until it dissolves back into itself again.
So I couldn't use a pyramid diagram to explain my world view, because a pyramid suggests some kind of a hierarchy.

It cost me some sleepless nights and many months of meditating, before I realized how simple it is in fact. Everything is circling around it's source, always moving and constantly fluctuating. There are no strict borders, any realm can permeate any other realm.

Ultimately all is one!

The source is of course The All, from which emanates the Divine (for me this is The Goddess). The Divine shapes into individual Goddesses and Gods and then into all other beings, material and non-material. I put the plant realm in the outer 'ring', because this realm also contains the one celled organisms. And all cells are made of molecules – atoms – neutrons – energy ….. which brings us back to the All.

There are no elements marked in my diagram, because the elements are building blocks of the Divine to make the material world, so they are about everywhere.

I could write a whole blog about every 'ring' and maybe I will, one day, sooner or later. But for now: This is All folks! ;-)

What is a priestess - in my view

 

I've been asked this question several times lately, so I decided to take up blogging again and pick this subject as a (re)starter.

Before I begin, let's get one thing straight. Whenever I type “priestess” and “she”, please feel free to read “priest” and “he”, and vice versa! When I write God(s), feel free to read Goddess(es) and vice versa as well :)

There are many different roads that lead to the Divine.

Some sandy and winding, some slippery and descending, some rocky and climbing. There are highways and bypasses, detours and shortcuts. Anyone can find and walk most of these roads all by themselves.

But some roads are nicely paved and this pavement is the work of priests. A good priestess paves the road for others and places some road signs, so it's a bit easier to find your way.

Of course over the centuries there have been many priests,of many religions who put up roadblocks after they had build their road. Claiming their path was the best, but not allowing people to walk there themselves. That's a power and control thing common to all people and priests are just people too. As soon as religion gets mixed up with money and politics, these power games start.
That's one of the reasons I want to keep spirituality and business strictly separated.

Please note: some of the roads can be dangerous, in that case it's only wise to put up some blocks, to protect the innocent and naïve from getting damaged!


A priestess paves a road with her devotion and daily ritual. And she builds a entrance to this road, in the form of a shrine or temple. Once the shrine is build she dedicates herself to maintaining and improving the energy flow between this entrance and the end of the road, the Divine.

In other words: A priestess maintains an energy channel between the Divine and the human world, in order to stimulate communication between the Divine and people and to make it easier for others to find their way.
This is the very first task of a priestess. Everything else, like counseling, doing readings, teaching etc, comes second. Of course a priestess should take some responsibility to help people who ask for it. But she should never forget that she is just the 'plumber maintaining the pipeline' and what's important is not the priestess herself, but the energy channel she is working on.

A good channel is ground out with a regular strong energy flow. This flow goes to and fro between the Priestess and the Divine - in the shape of individual Gods. This 'grinding' is done with daily rituals, prayer and offerings.

Gods are living beings of a non material substance. Their names and appearance may be thought up by humans, but behind these imaginary forms They themselves are very real and alive.

All living beings thrive well on good food. For the Gods the best food are offerings of any kind. This can be incense, libations, flowers, fruits, songs, prayers, dances, invocations, or even just mentioning their names in public.

With all this offering a priestess builds a real friendship with one, or some, of the Gods. A mutual friendship! The Gods offer Their help, support, advise and inspiration in return.
Anyone who is not a priest, can build a personal divine friendship like this. But the channel maintained by a priest is not just personal, others can also 'use' it. And the more people walk on this road , the better it gets.

Most of all, the road build and maintained by a dedicated priestess, becomes a highway for the Gods to reach out to people.

Priestessing is just one of the many things a healthy community needs. The work of a priestess is just as important as the work of a baker, a doctor, a farmer, or a parent. (And not more important!)
But you need a calling to do it.

You need certain talents, sensitivity, stamina and a predisposition that, in the end, can only be recognized by the Gods. It's just like the calling to become an artist, or a doctor. You just know that is what you have to do. But if you lack some of the qualifications or the stamina, you won't succeed.

In the case of a priest it is the Gods who decide if you're suitable or not. They call you and They initiate you. Being initiated by humans means nothing more than being initiated into a group or a tradition. Ideally the initiation by humans and the Gods take place simultaneously. But often that does not happen at all! And an initiation by humans is not necessary, the Gods can help themselves very well, thank you.

That being said, of course every priest needs some kind of training, to learn the skills needed.
But it is the Gods who choose you, who push you around until you made the right choice . And the Gods decide if you are ready for initiation or not, if you have developed the right skills, if your devotion is deep enough and if you are mature enough to handle the responsibility.

Becoming a priestess is not in the first place about personal development. But it comes with the package. You can only develop the right skills, if you are able and willing to let go of immature wants, needs, expectations and convictions. This can take many years and you yourself are the only one who can do this work. If the Gods feel you are a good candidate, They will give you plenty of opportunities to become a true adult. Kicking and screaming, if necessary.

There is so much more to be said about this subject and I'm sure this blog will raise some questions. Please feel free to ask them. :)

About Freya and The Goddess

When I first discovered modern paganism,  I was fascinated by all the ancient Goddesses. Something awoke in me,  I had dreams about Mesopotamian temples and tried to find books about ancient mythologies. It was in the time before Internet and not at all easy to find information about pre Egyptian cultures. I thought Inanna was the oldest known Goddess and I wanted to get to know Her.

But I got to a point in my life when I decided I wanted to connect with the energies of the land where I live. I wanted to connect with the old Germanic Gods, Who gave Their names to the days of the week. So I shifted my affection to Freya. Freya is one of the Vanir , the Gods Who were there before the Aesir, so She is the oldest well-known Norse Goddess. And on top of that : She taught witchcraft.  What a match!

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't feel Her. Not in the way I could feel the presence of Inanna sometimes,  or Mary when I was a child.
I thought that maybe I was just not trying hard enough.  So I went to the forest one day, to do a ritual and make things right. My focus was: I want to connect with the Goddess of this land.
At the supreme moment I threw my hands in the air and heard me say: I want to dedicate myself to Thor!  (something like that, it was in Dutch of course)

Thor?  Yes Thor.  I'm not sure what happened that moment, but I learned there and then it is not the humans who pick their patron God, it works the other way round.
I didn't really know Thor at that moment, but I love Him with all my heart now. And I'm ever so grateful that He picked me, He is the best friend a girl can have.

 
Years passed by and I started researching seidhr with a friend. Because of this research I visited a group of burial mounts regularly. The people who rest in these mounts, lived in the late neolithics or early bronze age. I would sit on these mounts and go into a trance. In this way I 'met' some spirits, who were not only willing to talk with me, they also wanted to teach me. You can read more about this here

After some meetings with one of these spirit teachers,  I asked about their Gods. He was confused by my question and asked what I was talking about. I started to explain about the powers Who made the sun go round and crops grow, when he interrupted me and said: "oh, you mean She".
"Yes I guess so ",  I said, " what's Her name? "
He answered:" Name?  She has no name, She just IS. "
 
No Freya there either......


 
Then...
I got seriously involved in a project around a crossing of leylines in the the old city of Amsterdam. I never believed in leylines,  but something was definitely there and it got stronger and stronger, the more rituals I performed there.
Part of the project was that we needed to renew an altar for The Goddess there. So I did. But I was far more concerned with my shamanic work and all the other energies there.

I made a statue with paper mache and worked 69 names of Goddesses into it. For the inauguration of the new altar I organized a procession with this statue, along one of the leylines. The Goddess altar and the leyline crossing were in a spiritual bookshop, that went bankrupt soon after the procession. There was just enough time to bring the statue and some of my personal belongings home, before the doors closed and everything else was sold.

I was disappointed and angry. The Goddess statue was wrapped in silk and plastic and I left it somewhere in a corner in my house.  But the procession had been such a success, I had promised people to do it again the next year. I felt obliged to keep my promise.
While preparing for the second procession, I went to a misa spiritual (read here how I got there) and got this message: I had nothing to walk the procession with,  if I did not take the statue out of this corner to recharge it.

 
This is how the Goddess took Her place in my house and in my life. At first I thought it would be for just a few months. But She had other plans!
Now 5 years later,  my living room is Her temple. Don't worry Thor has His place of honor there.
In my daily ritual I call Her 'Vrouwe'.  That is old fashioned Dutch for 'Lady'.  She has no name,  She is the One Who Is.

Now those who know a little about etymology might have noticed something. It took me almost 5 years to realize something I had known much longer. It occurred to me only a few months ago.
What is the old Norse word for lady? 
FREYJA!
Duh!