Thursday, February 20, 2014

About Freya and The Goddess

When I first discovered modern paganism,  I was fascinated by all the ancient Goddesses. Something awoke in me,  I had dreams about Mesopotamian temples and tried to find books about ancient mythologies. It was in the time before Internet and not at all easy to find information about pre Egyptian cultures. I thought Inanna was the oldest known Goddess and I wanted to get to know Her.

But I got to a point in my life when I decided I wanted to connect with the energies of the land where I live. I wanted to connect with the old Germanic Gods, Who gave Their names to the days of the week. So I shifted my affection to Freya. Freya is one of the Vanir , the Gods Who were there before the Aesir, so She is the oldest well-known Norse Goddess. And on top of that : She taught witchcraft.  What a match!

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't feel Her. Not in the way I could feel the presence of Inanna sometimes,  or Mary when I was a child.
I thought that maybe I was just not trying hard enough.  So I went to the forest one day, to do a ritual and make things right. My focus was: I want to connect with the Goddess of this land.
At the supreme moment I threw my hands in the air and heard me say: I want to dedicate myself to Thor!  (something like that, it was in Dutch of course)

Thor?  Yes Thor.  I'm not sure what happened that moment, but I learned there and then it is not the humans who pick their patron God, it works the other way round.
I didn't really know Thor at that moment, but I love Him with all my heart now. And I'm ever so grateful that He picked me, He is the best friend a girl can have.


Years passed by and I started researching seidhr with a friend. Because of this research I visited a group of burial mounts regularly. The people who rest in these mounts, lived in the late neolithics or early bronze age. I would sit on these mounts and go into a trance. In this way I 'met' some spirits, who were not only willing to talk with me, they also wanted to teach me. You can read more about this here

After some meetings with one of these spirit teachers,  I asked about their Gods. He was confused by my question and asked what I was talking about. I started to explain about the powers Who made the sun go round and crops grow, when he interrupted me and said: "oh, you mean She".
"Yes I guess so ",  I said, " what's Her name? "
He answered:" Name?  She has no name, She just IS. "

No Freya there either......


I got seriously involved in a project around a crossing of leylines in the the old city of Amsterdam. I never believed in leylines,  but something was definitely there and it got stronger and stronger, the more rituals I performed there.
Part of the project was that we needed to renew an altar for The Goddess there. So I did. But I was far more concerned with my shamanic work and all the other energies there.

I made a statue with paper mache and worked 69 names of Goddesses into it. For the inauguration of the new altar I organized a procession with this statue, along one of the leylines. The Goddess altar and the leyline crossing were in a spiritual bookshop, that went bankrupt soon after the procession. There was just enough time to bring the statue and some of my personal belongings home, before the doors closed and everything else was sold.

I was disappointed and angry. The Goddess statue was wrapped in silk and plastic and I left it somewhere in a corner in my house.  But the procession had been such a success, I had promised people to do it again the next year. I felt obliged to keep my promise.
While preparing for the second procession, I went to a misa spiritual (read here how I got there) and got this message: I had nothing to walk the procession with,  if I did not take the statue out of this corner to recharge it.


This is how the Goddess took Her place in my house and in my life. At first I thought it would be for just a few months. But She had other plans!
Now 5 years later,  my living room is Her temple. Don't worry Thor has His place of honor there.
In my daily ritual I call Her 'Vrouwe'.  That is old fashioned Dutch for 'Lady'.  She has no name,  She is the One Who Is.

Now those who know a little about etymology might have noticed something. It took me almost 5 years to realize something I had known much longer. It occurred to me only a few months ago.
What is the old Norse word for lady? 

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