Living simple – simply living happy

 In our society it is the norm to always strive for more. Not just more money and more possessions, but more adventures, more experiences and more love as well, even more spirituality and personal development.

We have been educated in a way that makes us think that whatever we have, whatever we do, whatever we are, it is never good enough. Everything has to be improved. 

Our house, our garden, our job, our partner, our children, our body, our personality, if only it would be a little better, we could be happy.

So we are running around all the time gathering stuff, gathering experiences and trying to change everything about ourselves and around us, so that we might be content and happy one day.

The only problem is, that once we got one aspect of our lives just right, there's another thing that pops up to stand in between us and complete happiness.

Yes, we've got the big house, but now we're arguing all day about who has to clean all those rooms.
Yes, we have the beautiful garden, but the neighbours are too noisy and snails are eating the plants.

Yes, we did marry the one we love, but (s)he has some irritating habits.
Yes, the spiritual festival was great, but this one friend will never talk to us again and our favourite clothes are ruined in the mud.
Etc. etc.

We keep running around, chasing new goals all the time, because we always feel there is just one more thing missing. We watch videos about the 'law of attraction' and, if we are modern witches, we work magic to get what we feel will make our life – us - complete.

This is what keeps a lot of businesses running and what makes new age gurus very, very rich.

What is this complete happiness that seems to be so impossible to reach?

Sages in India have pondered on this question and came up with an answer thousands of years ago. And also in modern times there are people who find this answer, all by themselves, or with some guidance of a teacher.

They found that happiness is feeling whole and complete. And that you are already whole and complete, but daily life makes you forget.

Some of us remember parts of this sometimes. For instance many modern pagans who say things like: “We are all related, we are all one”. They are on to something, without yet deeply understanding the true implication of this statement.

What does it mean that we are all one? It means that there is really nothing else but One!

This is something mind blowing, that needs time to sink in. Years, lifetimes ...

Not just people are One, all is One. Not just the Divine is One, we are One ourselves.
And if we are One, we are complete. There is nothing else to want or strive for, because we already are everything.

But we are caught up in daily life, which seems to be divided into opposites like light – dark, high - low, fast – slow, nice – bad, and so on and on...

So we all forget that we already are everything – One. We are the sky, but we can't see ourselves because the clouds of daily life block the view.

All our life we are chasing goals that will make us feel complete. The house, the lover, the job, the book, the workshop, the festival, …. And indeed if we reach the goal, the chasing stops for a moment and the clouds have disappeared.

We feel complete, we are happy. For a moment …... new clouds are gathering quickly!

If you really understand that you truly are One, the chasing stops.

Nothing can make you more whole and complete than you already are.

You are already perfect, beautiful, whole and happy and nothing, really nothing, can change that.

You can be happy while living all alone in a wooden hut, eating nothing but brussel sprouts.

But you don't have to live in such way to be happy. All you have to do is enjoy the wonders of life and to appreciate the beauty and perfection that surrounds you in whatever circumstances you are.

Don't believe the lies of society that tell you that you have to improve everything.

Just live your life following the golden rule:'Don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you.' 
And be what you truly are: whole, complete and happy.

Asia - Europe

Traditional Korean gentleman's hat from the Joseon era

 

 Inspired by my contact with a very knowledgable, powerful , interesting and friendly Korean spirit, I've immersed myself in Far Eastern culture for the last few months ….. uh ….. maybe not just a few ...

Learning all about tea and tea ceremonies. Listening almost exclusively to Korean and Chinese music. Studying a little Chinese and Chinese calligraphy. Reading Mencius and Confucius. Learning to make dumplings (with not much success yet)

Very, very interesting to gain a little more understanding of this refined, very ancient culture!

This is a beautiful side of working with spirits. Learning new things, while bridging time and space.

Learning new old things that is, things that were once probably not so alien in this region either. This whole journey started when I discovered some striking similarities between Korean royal funerary customs and European bronze age burial mounts …

This morning my honourable spirit friend told me he really appreciates all my efforts to learn to understand his culture. But now it's time to do my own thing again as well, because our friendship was meant to be a two way bridge between cultures and he is also interested in the things that I do and know.

A true gentleman indeed :)

Rules. People just love them, though they will never admit it.

 

On Facebook I blocked all the posts on the miraculous, or dangerous qualities of food. It's driving me nuts to read about yet another super food, or how the things I eat daily are bad, bad, bad for me. I know people who try to avoid gluten, while they don't have coeliac disease. Or they hear about lactoses intolerance and immediately cut dairy products from their diet. And of course you have to drink 2 litres of clear water a day. And that should be clear water, not tea or fruit juice, mind you!

It reminds me of the 613 mitzvot (commandments) of orthodox Judaism that make relaxed normal living virtually impossible. Or all the rules invented by the Muslim youths that follow the selefi sect. Like: if you notice a hole in your sock after praying, your prayer is invalid and you have to do it again, after you took off your socks. Ridiculous isn't it?

But is it not just as ridiculous to measure the amount of water you drink every day? Or to never eat cooked food anymore? Why do people do this to themselves?!
I guess there is some comfort in following strict rules. Follow the rules and you're doing it right. You don't have to choose, you don't have to doubt, you know what you have to do.

At first I thought that all these fashionable foody rules would have something to do with the overload of choices in modern society. If you are vegan and don't eat sugar, you can skip 95% of the shelves in the supermarket. Hurray!
But there must be more to it, because people have been inventing arbitrary rules for millennia.
Especially religious rules of course: go to church on Sundays, no meat on Fridays, no work on Sabbath, pray 5 times a day, or else something really bad might happen!
Don't eat wheat or sugar, drink your water, eat your goji berries, or something really bad might happen!

Is the modern health food rage a substitute for religion maybe? To avoid disaster there is a given set of rules. Follow those and you keep things under control, you won't get cancer.

People just love rules, as long as they feel it is their own choice to follow them.

Let's take a look at our neo pagan community. Modern witches love to think of themselves as free spirited, independent thinkers, who broke free from the cage of organized religion. But in fact the majority is clinging to a rather fixed set of customs, that were written down in some books during the last half century. The wheel of the year with 8 festivals, a ritual has to start with the casting of a circle, Air is in the east and there are 3 grades of initiation, etc. And everyone works with lists of correspondences, that are most of the time invented by just one person.

These rules give structure to your practice and create a common ground for collaboration.
But they are completely arbitrary in fact, isn't that funny?
Gardner, Crowley, Buckland, the Farrars and others have written down their ideas and no one is hardly ever questioning them now. Just follow the rules and you do it right. Even in the non hierarchical, almost anarchistic, Reclaiming I met someone who told me, that if I did not do things a certain way, I could not call myself a Reclaimer. (which was bullocks btw)

In this way modern witchcraft has also become a kind of organized religion. With above mentioned writers at the top of the hierarchy, followed by the initiated, or self proclaimed, high priestesses, who will teach others how things should be done. Whole branches of modern witchcraft only know how to follow the rules laid down in books and on websites. Which leads to rituals that only follow form, but have no content, because people never thought about WHY they do certain things in a certain way. They are just stressing about details like finding the right colour candles and altar cloth.

As long as you wear your pentagram, as long as you have all the right tools on your altar, as long as you can read the invocation from a book, without mistake, you must be doing it right. Right?
Put the altar in the North, celebrate harvest in August, dance naked in the moonlight and for goodness sake don't mess up any correspondences, or something really bad might happen. You might not be a real witch! :)

I guess rules are just a way for people to deal with their insecurities. If you're not sure who or what you are, you can stick to a set of noble rules and know that you must be a good person. A better person than those who don't follow the rules. Which explains the smirk on the face of the lady in the health food store, who told me it was impossible to not like soy milk.

The Wheel of the Year

Ever since I encountered the first neo pagans in my life, I have felt ambivalent about the 8 festivals they celebrate every year. I'm not a farmer, but a city girl and I know nothing about sowing and harvesting. And anyway the growing of our food has very little to do with the seasons nowadays. So I find it difficult to relate to the neo pagan wheel of the year.

The beginning of summer and summer itself, and the beginning of winter and winter itself are what I can notice in my daily life. Times of harvest can vary in different places in the world and in different eras, but the solstices and equinoxes are the same everywhere and always.
I never really liked to celebrate midsummer though, because all it means to me is that there will be less light soon.

So it's only 3 festivals I have been celebrating consistently over the years. Oh yes I tried all the other festivals too, but only the beginning of summer- spring, the beginning of winter – autumn and midwinter are always honoured with special celebrations and at least a seasonal altar. This is how I feel it and this is what, in a very natural way, became my practise over the years.

This happens to coincide with how the ancient heathens of Northern Europe did it :)
There is an overwhelming amount of evidence that Scandinavian pagans only knew 2 seasons: summer and winter. Hence the names MIDsummer and MIDwinter for the solstices. And they celebrated only 3 large seasonal festivals: the beginning of summer, the beginning of winter and midwinter. But the exact dates could vary.

That these three festivals were also celebrated around where I live, in the province of Noord Holland in the Netherlands, is proved by some very interesting archaeological finds. Sacrificial pits were found around iron age farms at different locations. Analysis of the content of these pits shows, that the sacrifices took place three times a year: at spring, autumn and winter.

It is not just coincidence that these three festivals became prominent in the Roman Catholic calendar: Easter, All Saints and Christmas. Of course minor agricultural festivals were celebrated also, but those festivals had a wide variation, depending on climate and soil. There was never a thing like one big harvest festival all over Europe. That's just impossible in practice! When harvest is done, you celebrate and give thanks. And this can never be on a set date, for it depends on sunshine and rain. This city girl understands that much about farming.

So whenever I read yet another invitation to one of the 8 neo pagan festivals, it all feels a little forced to me. City folks driving their cars to a place in a park or wood, to re-enact a farmers festival that never took place in pagan times. Connecting with Mother Nature, while polluting the air on their way back home …

Of course, of course I know about the deeper spiritual meanings of the wheel of the year, how it reflects the seasons in our lives, etc. I also know about different myths, old and new, giving more meaning to it all. And I understand it is a perfect structure for the work in a coven and it's a lovely excuse for regular social meetings. So if you feel like it, please continue to celebrate all of them. Please do!

But please also know your history. Know that Gerald Gardner, the founding father of Wicca, started with only 4 seasonal celebrations, based on some festivals found in different locations in Great Britain: Imbolc, Beltaine, Lammas and Samhain. Only later he added the 4 festivals celebrated by the English Druids: the equinoxes and solstices. And so the 8 spokes of the wheel of the year were born, about just half a century ago.

For me the number 3 has my preference.
It is my UPG (unverified personal gnosis) that this number, together with triangles, were immensely important to the ancient ancestors.
3 x 3 = 9 And the significance of the sacred number 9 can hardly be over estimated. I think many will agree with me on at least this.

I do realize that just 3 festivals do not cover all the traditions of our ancestors.
- There is the first of May, when annual salaries were paid (and debts collected!). What might explain the tradition of celebrating and getting married on that day. Or was it the other way round and were servants paid because it was a special day?
- And what about carnival? The feast of the reversal of roles, when villages and cities were ruled by a fool. In a highly hierarchical society like pre Christian Europe, with it's sacred kingship and slavery, there was a need for a few days like that.
- Another is the day of Saint Nicolas, with a kind of re-enactment of the wild hunt.

- etc. etc. etc.

But I know for sure that these traditional celebrations never neatly fitted into a schedule with periods of 6 weeks. Our ancestors feasted when the time was there and only when the important work was done.

Hail to the Ancient Ones!

Shaman?!

 

   I think I should start with writing something about my personal view on shamanism.

In short: Shamanism is the art of controlled trance journeying and communing with helping Spirits in order to build bridges between the different worlds and to restore balance as much as possible. 

A shamanic practitioner can switch between different states of conciousness at will and maintains good relationships with different kinds of helping Spirits. He or she is able to ask specific questions in the other world and come back with accurate, helpful answers. 

This takes training and discipline and it's a way of life, with daily little rituals, offerings and communication with spirits (among other things).

   Over the years I have met many people claiming to be a shaman. In some circles it's fashionable and very cool to have a title like that. And most of the time there are no questions asked. It is not only cool to be a shaman, it's also cool to be able to say you know one.

After meeting a score of these wannabes online, I met my first in real life when I had just finished my 6 years of training and felt a little lost. All of a sudden there were no other shamanic practitioners at hand to work and share with.
So when I was told I could meet another 'shaman', I had to go to satisfy my curiosity. He would be performing – drumming and singing at a meeting of poets and it was all very special, I was promised.

And there he was, a young guy with a large drum. He was high as a kite. He drummed somewhat arrhythmic and sang “heya heya” slightly out of tune. Everyone present thought it was wonderful shamanic song. Except for me. There was nothing happening. He did nothing but drum and sing a little, there was no purpose, no spirit, no energy, there was nothing but a stoned guy singing a song about nothing.

   While writing this, the memory of another experience pops up in my mind, which was quite the opposite. A concert of shamanic music, with different musicians from Mongolia. There was a lot of overtone singing and elaborate costumes, even a little on stage ritual to call in the spirits, but not much was happening. Until this little frail lady took the stage.

She started by saying that she was a little out of place there, for she did not consider herself to be a shaman. Then she showed of an amazing mastery of her voice ranging 5 octaves. But when she took her drum and started improvising, I could clearly SEE what she was singing. I felt the energy waves go through me, for a moment it was as if she was singing just for me. It was only her and me in that concert hall, together with a Divine presence.

After the concert I went over to her and thanked her for that song. She looked me in the eyes, put her hand on my knee and just said “yes”. No more words needed.

This was Sainko Namtchilak.


   So I tend to take those who explicitly DON'T claim to be a shaman a lot more seriously than those who need to throw in the title to identify themselves. When I encounter a self proclaimed shaman, I smile to myself and - but only if I feel like it - I will ask some questions.

- What do you exactly do?

- What do you know about the different trance states?

- Can you control them?

- How do you maintain your relationships in the other worlds?

- Do you come back from the other worlds, with accurate, helpful information?
Most of the time I get back a blank stare, or some online scolding.


   The word shaman is not patented. Anyone is free to use it.
Just buy a drum as large as possible, put some feathers in your hair and there you are.
Take all kinds of natural or chemical substances, so you can loose yourself in other worlds.
Talk to all kinds of spirits, who will gladly talk back, if you have the talent to invite them.
And you can call yourself a shaman, just like the guy who has been to a sweat lodge once or twice.

You can call yourself anything you like, but don't expect me to take you seriously. You may have a talent, but without proper training, without knowing exactly what you're doing and why, you're a danger to yourself and others. Or just a person with identity problems. And in my humble opinion not a shamanic practitioner, let alone a shaman.


   Why do I care, why can't I just let it be?
Because of all the haziness created by people claiming undeserved titles. And because of the implicit disrespect toward the real shamans: those medicine people of indigenous peoples, who went through all the ordeals of traditional training and initiation.
My training and 12 years experience don't even come close to that.
So how could someone with no training at all claim to be just like them? And how can practitioners who don't even believe in the actual existence of Spirits claim to be one of them? Or those who only met their 'Spirit helpers' through a card deck?

   I do know some Westerners I would call shaman though.
My teacher's teacher is one of them. And another is a guy I worked with for some years, who can raise powerful energy, together with his Spirit helpers and who has helped countless people with their healing. And I'm sure there are more out there.
But they are the proverbial exception to the rule, in this culture where people just love to escape reality with romantic fantasies about being different and special, wearing fancy costumes and claiming vague titles. And where genuine ancient knowledge goes unrecognised.


Please note that all examples mentioned are based on real encounters with different people.

Shamanism in modern society

This is the follow up to the blog I posted yesterday

For more than 10 years I have trained in shamanic techniques. Apparently I am highly sensitive and have a talent for contacting spirits and working with them. So it was great fun for me to explore the different worlds, in various ritual settings. What I was looking for most of all was to learn, to know and to understand. And along the way I made some friends in the non-daily realities, who showed and taught me some amazing, some frightening and some beautiful things.

I gave up on my shamanic expeditions when the Goddess – The Lady with 10 000 Names – demanded more and more of my time and energy. So for the last 2 or 3 years I just offered my stone readings and some healing with the help of my otherworldly friends, without hardly ever travelling over to them. I simply maintained these friendships with greeting them regularly and giving little presents at their altar in my house temple.

So I've gathered a lot of knowledge and expertise, and I have ancient, faithful friends who come to me whenever I invite them. And that's it. This is all at the moment.
I worked so hard to get there, but now I'm here, I hardly use anything of all the things I learned.

On Facebook I'm member of some groups discussing shamanism and I meet other shamanic practitioners now and then, IRL or online, but I seldom feel a connection.
Western neo shamanism seems to be all about personal experience. Wonderful trance journeys, amazing mushroom/ayahuasca trips, awesome sweat lodges, hugging power animals, personal healing and a lot of big drums (size does seem to matter here) and feathery accessories. Ah, I forget to mention the drum circles, drumming for Mother Earth, while having a good time getting high. I'm sorry to go a little overboard with sarcasm, but I want to make a point here.

Neo shamanism is about the individual, who wants to feel good, who wants to have a special experience, who wants to work through some personal shit, or who just wants a little ego boost by feeling different and special. When I browse websites of shamanic practitioners here in Holland, all I find, boils down to personal development and healing, mostly through costly workshops and trainings.

Traditionally shamanism is not about “me! me! me! I like it, give me more, cause it feels so good!”
Traditional shamans have their place in a community, not necessarily a comfortable place, but it is an important one. They negotiate with the Spirit world for the well being of the whole community and the land, they restore balance where needed and they are keepers of the places that are sacred to their people.

But where is my community?!
Who wants me to appease the Spirits, or to ask advise from the ancestors?
Who is waiting for me to restore the energetic balance in the land? Who is waiting for a sacred place in this overcrowded country, where every square meter has economical purpose?

The only place where I really, really tried ,is now a shop, selling vintage soccer gear.

When I watch, for instance, videos about Korean shamans, doing large public ceremonies in the middle of Seoul, my whole being is stirred. This is what I have to do! The things I learned are not (just) for healing individual people and they are for sure not to make me feel good. (Although communing with my Spirit helpers does feel good, most of the time.) I have to do something useful with my knowledge, I feel my helpers are waiting to finally get to work with me.

But what and where remains to be seen. As long as there is no community to work with or for, I feel there is not much I can do.

All I can do is ask for guidance and give a shout out to the shamanic community, hoping there are some others like me, who want to take their shamanic work up a level.

And what am I supposed to do now?

Over the years I got acquainted with with quite a few Spirit helpers. Most of them people who pasted away a long, long time ago. And with a long time I mean more than a 1000 or even 2000 years. A few of them I know by name and they were the ones who gave me my name.

 I met them during seidhr trances, singing while holding my staff. And I met them during utisetta trances, meditating on neolithic burial mounts.
I called them and asked them to teach me, which some of them did. I learned some useful techniques and some other things, way out of my comfort zone.

So, yes I can call Spirits and talk with them, learn from them. I did it out of curiosity, to train myself and because I started liking it. It's a special energy that feels good and comfortable to me.

Some years ago I could make good use of all this knowledge, when I worked daily with an ancient energy spot in the old centre of Amsterdam. It was a weird, spooky place and at the same time beautiful and wonderful. I created an energetic tunnel for all the wandering souls who passed there in an endless parade towards the Summer land and I made a truce with those who wanted to stay. This made it possible for the lovely energy of the leycentre to flow more freely and grow stronger and stronger. It was a truly wonderful work.

I didn't do all this work by myself. I got help from another shaman who summoned some powerful helping spirits for me. He was, at that time, the caretaker of the Stonehenge Skull, a skull carved from a piece of sarson stone, left behind after the restoration of Stonehenge in the '50.

In a powerful ceremony 4 guardians stepped forward to hold the energy in the 4 directions. I made them a place to stay and fed them regularly.

It only lasted for a few months. When the energies were all nicely balanced, the affairs of living humans, a bankruptcy to be precise, spoiled everything. We had to leave in a hurry and my shaman friend called back the guardians, who were connected to the Stonehenge Skull.
I admit I was very disappointed and a little angry, but on the other hand I knew very well that nothing happens without a reason. Even though I would have loved to continue this work, apparently what had to be done at that time, was done.

To me it all seems like ages ago now. So many things happened since then.
Some of my Spirit helpers are with me when I do readings, or they work through me when I give healing. And I keep an altar for them in my house temple. But over the years I started to neglect them more and more. Specially this last year, after I took up the study of Vedanta, I hardly ever contacted them. Until some weeks ago.

All of a sudden I felt the urge to test my abilities. Don't ask me why, I can't really explain, but I wanted to make contact with the Spirit of a historical figure, from another time, another culture and a place on the other side of the globe.
After proper preparation I build an appropriate altar. And because this spirit has the potential to be very powerful and rather nasty, I asked for support from all my trusted friends in the Spirit world.

Usually when I cast a circle I greet and invite the powers of the quarters, but I only ask for the protection of Thor. This time I heard myself call for the protection of the Guardians in all 4 directions.
And there they were! I recognized their energy with tears in my eyes.

They came walking towards me from afar, just like they used to years ago. And they stood guard, protecting silly me.

All my Spirit helpers were there, greeting, watching, circling around me. I never felt so save, so comfortable, so loved, so grateful.

And yes, I did contact the foreign king. And, a few days later, I apologised for bothering him for no good reason. He said it amused him, so no real harm was done there.

What I have to figure out now is:
Why I do have this talent?
Why do these spirits keep hanging around and support me, while I neglect them?
What are they waiting for?
What on earth am I supposed to do with all the things I learned?

WHAT ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!


The follow up to this blog you can find here

Claimed by Thor

 

Many years ago, I went to a special place in the woods to dedicate myself to a Goddess. 

But the ritual did not go as I had planned. It was not meant to be, not at that time in my life.
When it comes to true initiation, it is not the humans who decide. A person can not claim a Deity, it is the other way around. The Gods choose their humans.

So when I walked out of that forest, I had been claimed by Thor.

 

I was a little puzzled by what had just happened, but it felt good. It was right on many deep levels. And after all these years I'm still grateful that Thor stepped into my life at that moment.
He is the Very Best Friend a girl like me can have!


Thor is the Guardian of everything good, fertile and sacred. And He is not a bit shy to use force to protect what is important to Him. Annoy Him and he will swing his lightning hammer at you. He is in complete control of the lightning and the energy in it: electricity. And this is not His only strength, He is the Son of Earth and is in fact invincible.

Many people make the mistake to think that Thor is just a muscle man with little brains. This is because of some stories about Him that were (re)written in Christian times. The leaders of the new religion had every reason to try to put down the most popular Deity of the common folks. They could not deny his strength, so they depicted Him as just a dumb bully.

But Thor has deep rooted wisdom and knowledge. He is not cunning like Odin, but He is wise, clever and straightforward. Standing His ground and protecting the ground with all means possible if necessary.


So after He claimed me, I started to really like Him. 

But only recently I've come to understand why he chose me. Actually it is quite obvious, but I couldn't see what was right under my nose.

I am His kind. Of course!

I'm a fighter and I protect what is important and sacred to me with all means at hand – in my case: words. I have strong feelings about honesty, truth, justice, respect, equality and I tend to lash out whenever my principles are violated. I can get really vicious when I sense dishonesty or hypocrisy, or harmful stupidity.

This is not acceptable in my culture, specially not for a woman. Countless people , friend and foe, told me to tame my words. So I started reading about non violent communication and did the best I could. But it has always been a struggle, because it's against my nature not to speak out freely.

Toning down your words is not always effective BTW. At times you just need to be sharp (even a little mean) to get a message through. Lets be honest for a moment. Most people love to read a critical text and many also love to read some good word fighting online. But they will condemn the writers later, after the entertainment is over.

This morning I made a trance journey and I invited all my Helpers to share their wisdom and advise. Not just one group, but all of them, my Ancestors, my Spirit Helpers, my Power Animals and the Gods. My question was: What is the energetic or spiritual cause of my increasingly bad health. (Asthma among other things)
And in stepped Thor, together with Bear.

Thor's message was very clear.
He said that I have more and more difficulty with breathing, because I don't speak freely anymore. I do not use the strength that was given to me, so it is turning inwards and against me.

Hm

So dear folks, whenever I lash out in the future, just remember I always mean well.

I really do!!!
If you don't like my tone of voice, I'm sorry. But I have to be, who I am born to be and not what you like me to be. We all have our own roles to play in this game we call life. And people with sharp tongues have their place too. Sometimes things need to be said and I'm one of those people who is not afraid to say them.

You can shoot the messenger, if you like, or you can try to understand the message. The choice is all yours.

I will keep trying to choose my words carefully, but I will stop biting my tongue.

Hail Thor!

My paradigm

The Tao gives birth to One.
One gives birth to Two.
Two gives birth to Three.
Three gives birth to all things.

Lao Tse

In the end it is all just a moment of material manifestation in the vastness ofeternity.

Vedanta – ancient Indian non-dualism gave me a new and deeper insight into reality, but being a human means that I have to deal with this manifestation, of which I am small particle. And I can't just cast aside all my experiences and encounters with beings from 'other realms'. For they are just as (un)real as I am myself. So where are they in the larger scheme of life?!

This questions has bugged me ever since I 'got' the Vedanta message. For the last 6 months I've gone through a serious spiritual crisis. I could understand the role and place of the different Gods and Spirits intellectually, but I didn't feel it.
Except for The Goddess, She always stayed in Her place!

My inner struggle ended (for the time being) a few days ago, when I was given this picture, during my meditation:

I will try to explain what it means.

In my view there is no such thing as 'higher' and 'lower' energy.

Everything is the same divine energy expanding, 

until it dissolves back into itself again.
So I couldn't use a pyramid diagram to explain my world view, because a pyramid suggests some kind of a hierarchy.

It cost me some sleepless nights and many months of meditating, before I realized how simple it is in fact. Everything is circling around it's source, always moving and constantly fluctuating. There are no strict borders, any realm can permeate any other realm.

Ultimately all is one!

The source is of course The All, from which emanates the Divine (for me this is The Goddess). The Divine shapes into individual Goddesses and Gods and then into all other beings, material and non-material. I put the plant realm in the outer 'ring', because this realm also contains the one celled organisms. And all cells are made of molecules – atoms – neutrons – energy ….. which brings us back to the All.

There are no elements marked in my diagram, because the elements are building blocks of the Divine to make the material world, so they are about everywhere.

I could write a whole blog about every 'ring' and maybe I will, one day, sooner or later. But for now: This is All folks! ;-)

What is a priestess - in my view

 

I've been asked this question several times lately, so I decided to take up blogging again and pick this subject as a (re)starter.

Before I begin, let's get one thing straight. Whenever I type “priestess” and “she”, please feel free to read “priest” and “he”, and vice versa! When I write God(s), feel free to read Goddess(es) and vice versa as well :)

There are many different roads that lead to the Divine.

Some sandy and winding, some slippery and descending, some rocky and climbing. There are highways and bypasses, detours and shortcuts. Anyone can find and walk most of these roads all by themselves.

But some roads are nicely paved and this pavement is the work of priests. A good priestess paves the road for others and places some road signs, so it's a bit easier to find your way.

Of course over the centuries there have been many priests,of many religions who put up roadblocks after they had build their road. Claiming their path was the best, but not allowing people to walk there themselves. That's a power and control thing common to all people and priests are just people too. As soon as religion gets mixed up with money and politics, these power games start.
That's one of the reasons I want to keep spirituality and business strictly separated.

Please note: some of the roads can be dangerous, in that case it's only wise to put up some blocks, to protect the innocent and naïve from getting damaged!


A priestess paves a road with her devotion and daily ritual. And she builds a entrance to this road, in the form of a shrine or temple. Once the shrine is build she dedicates herself to maintaining and improving the energy flow between this entrance and the end of the road, the Divine.

In other words: A priestess maintains an energy channel between the Divine and the human world, in order to stimulate communication between the Divine and people and to make it easier for others to find their way.
This is the very first task of a priestess. Everything else, like counseling, doing readings, teaching etc, comes second. Of course a priestess should take some responsibility to help people who ask for it. But she should never forget that she is just the 'plumber maintaining the pipeline' and what's important is not the priestess herself, but the energy channel she is working on.

A good channel is ground out with a regular strong energy flow. This flow goes to and fro between the Priestess and the Divine - in the shape of individual Gods. This 'grinding' is done with daily rituals, prayer and offerings.

Gods are living beings of a non material substance. Their names and appearance may be thought up by humans, but behind these imaginary forms They themselves are very real and alive.

All living beings thrive well on good food. For the Gods the best food are offerings of any kind. This can be incense, libations, flowers, fruits, songs, prayers, dances, invocations, or even just mentioning their names in public.

With all this offering a priestess builds a real friendship with one, or some, of the Gods. A mutual friendship! The Gods offer Their help, support, advise and inspiration in return.
Anyone who is not a priest, can build a personal divine friendship like this. But the channel maintained by a priest is not just personal, others can also 'use' it. And the more people walk on this road , the better it gets.

Most of all, the road build and maintained by a dedicated priestess, becomes a highway for the Gods to reach out to people.

Priestessing is just one of the many things a healthy community needs. The work of a priestess is just as important as the work of a baker, a doctor, a farmer, or a parent. (And not more important!)
But you need a calling to do it.

You need certain talents, sensitivity, stamina and a predisposition that, in the end, can only be recognized by the Gods. It's just like the calling to become an artist, or a doctor. You just know that is what you have to do. But if you lack some of the qualifications or the stamina, you won't succeed.

In the case of a priest it is the Gods who decide if you're suitable or not. They call you and They initiate you. Being initiated by humans means nothing more than being initiated into a group or a tradition. Ideally the initiation by humans and the Gods take place simultaneously. But often that does not happen at all! And an initiation by humans is not necessary, the Gods can help themselves very well, thank you.

That being said, of course every priest needs some kind of training, to learn the skills needed.
But it is the Gods who choose you, who push you around until you made the right choice . And the Gods decide if you are ready for initiation or not, if you have developed the right skills, if your devotion is deep enough and if you are mature enough to handle the responsibility.

Becoming a priestess is not in the first place about personal development. But it comes with the package. You can only develop the right skills, if you are able and willing to let go of immature wants, needs, expectations and convictions. This can take many years and you yourself are the only one who can do this work. If the Gods feel you are a good candidate, They will give you plenty of opportunities to become a true adult. Kicking and screaming, if necessary.

There is so much more to be said about this subject and I'm sure this blog will raise some questions. Please feel free to ask them. :)

About Freya and The Goddess

When I first discovered modern paganism,  I was fascinated by all the ancient Goddesses. Something awoke in me,  I had dreams about Mesopotamian temples and tried to find books about ancient mythologies. It was in the time before Internet and not at all easy to find information about pre Egyptian cultures. I thought Inanna was the oldest known Goddess and I wanted to get to know Her.

But I got to a point in my life when I decided I wanted to connect with the energies of the land where I live. I wanted to connect with the old Germanic Gods, Who gave Their names to the days of the week. So I shifted my affection to Freya. Freya is one of the Vanir , the Gods Who were there before the Aesir, so She is the oldest well-known Norse Goddess. And on top of that : She taught witchcraft.  What a match!

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't feel Her. Not in the way I could feel the presence of Inanna sometimes,  or Mary when I was a child.
I thought that maybe I was just not trying hard enough.  So I went to the forest one day, to do a ritual and make things right. My focus was: I want to connect with the Goddess of this land.
At the supreme moment I threw my hands in the air and heard me say: I want to dedicate myself to Thor!  (something like that, it was in Dutch of course)

Thor?  Yes Thor.  I'm not sure what happened that moment, but I learned there and then it is not the humans who pick their patron God, it works the other way round.
I didn't really know Thor at that moment, but I love Him with all my heart now. And I'm ever so grateful that He picked me, He is the best friend a girl can have.

 
Years passed by and I started researching seidhr with a friend. Because of this research I visited a group of burial mounts regularly. The people who rest in these mounts, lived in the late neolithics or early bronze age. I would sit on these mounts and go into a trance. In this way I 'met' some spirits, who were not only willing to talk with me, they also wanted to teach me. You can read more about this here

After some meetings with one of these spirit teachers,  I asked about their Gods. He was confused by my question and asked what I was talking about. I started to explain about the powers Who made the sun go round and crops grow, when he interrupted me and said: "oh, you mean She".
"Yes I guess so ",  I said, " what's Her name? "
He answered:" Name?  She has no name, She just IS. "
 
No Freya there either......


 
Then...
I got seriously involved in a project around a crossing of leylines in the the old city of Amsterdam. I never believed in leylines,  but something was definitely there and it got stronger and stronger, the more rituals I performed there.
Part of the project was that we needed to renew an altar for The Goddess there. So I did. But I was far more concerned with my shamanic work and all the other energies there.

I made a statue with paper mache and worked 69 names of Goddesses into it. For the inauguration of the new altar I organized a procession with this statue, along one of the leylines. The Goddess altar and the leyline crossing were in a spiritual bookshop, that went bankrupt soon after the procession. There was just enough time to bring the statue and some of my personal belongings home, before the doors closed and everything else was sold.

I was disappointed and angry. The Goddess statue was wrapped in silk and plastic and I left it somewhere in a corner in my house.  But the procession had been such a success, I had promised people to do it again the next year. I felt obliged to keep my promise.
While preparing for the second procession, I went to a misa spiritual (read here how I got there) and got this message: I had nothing to walk the procession with,  if I did not take the statue out of this corner to recharge it.

 
This is how the Goddess took Her place in my house and in my life. At first I thought it would be for just a few months. But She had other plans!
Now 5 years later,  my living room is Her temple. Don't worry Thor has His place of honor there.
In my daily ritual I call Her 'Vrouwe'.  That is old fashioned Dutch for 'Lady'.  She has no name,  She is the One Who Is.

Now those who know a little about etymology might have noticed something. It took me almost 5 years to realize something I had known much longer. It occurred to me only a few months ago.
What is the old Norse word for lady? 
FREYJA!
Duh!

The gap in Norse tradition I fell into

I once considered myself to be asatru. I was true to the Norse Gods, studied the poetic Edda in 3 different translations, discussed the lore with heathens from all over the world on the (then rather new) internet and read every book about Nose mythology and European folk traditions I could get my hands on.
Me being what I am, I've always been a somewhat out of the box asatru of course.  Shamanism and direct spiritual experiences don't go well with many members of the heathen community.

About 14 years ago something happened with me, that caused immobilizing chronic pain. After seeing dozens of doctors and therapists for many years , I gave up the fight and just learned to live with the pain and accepted life would never be the same again.
I had lost my job, walked with a crutch, could not ride a bike (disaster in the Netherlands) and had to rest many hours during the day.

One day I went to get some incense in the Botanica in Amsterdam, where I live,  and was invited to attend the Misa Espiritual. I had told the Santero that I was true to the Norse Gods,  but I was welcome anyway, so I went. I had no idea what to expect, but was very, very curious. It was a strange experience, with a lot of roman catholic prayer and me not understanding at all what was going on.

That afternoon I was told that I was the daughter of San Lazaro.  And that he could heal me, if I did a little ritual for him.
I Was terribly confused when I got home. How could I be the daughter of a South American saint, or even worse: an African God, while I had already been called by the Norse Gods?!
It had never occurred to me before, to ask my Gods for healing. People don't easily talk about these things in the asatru community.
At first I thought that maybe San Lazaro,  would somehow be connected with one of the Norse Gods. But San Lazaro is Babalu Aye, "Father Earth", Who lives at the gate of the graveyard. There is no Norse Deity that even comes close to this African God.
I fell into a serious spiritual crisis.

Eir is the only one in the Norse pantheon known for healing powers. But we know hardly anything about Her.  Scholars are not even sure if She is a Goddess or a valkyrie. We just know the name and nothing else. I had no idea how to approach Her,  what to offer,  how to address Her. And none could tell me,  not in Holland and not on the international email lists.
While the Santero had given me detailed information about what to get for San Lazaro,  colors,  numbers, offerings, even a special kind of fabric.

After months of research, doubt, distress and even feeling guilty,  I decided to cast the runes. They indicated no problem at all! So I went to the botanica, bought the purple candle. I got the red unions, the sack,  black eyed peas, etc and set up a little altar for this Saint who represented an African God.
The candle burned for 7 days and one morning during that week I woke up with the inspiration to do some very subtle, micro level, stretching exercises.
To cut a long story short: I ride my bike again, walk without crutch and can do much more than I could ever dream of in the days before I met  Babalu Aye!

This happened years ago. I've been a regular visitor of the Botanica for a long time and I observed how effective their way of doing things is. I adopted some of the customs I saw there into my own daily practice, after adjusting them to my own ways and my Gods are not complaining at all.
The most important and beautiful thing I learned from Don Azito was how to reconnect with my ancestors. The Norse tradition had never given me the tools to overcome the trauma of a very difficult family history. He taught me how to make peace with myself and the deceased.  The threads were once cut, but my ancestors are standing right behind me now.

I learned all I could in the Botanica and then had to leave,  things were getting uncomfortable. I guess my Gods felt it was enough, I had learned what I had to learn.  I don't go there anymore, but I will always be grateful for Don Azito's wonderful lessons and support. And I keep a little shrine for Babalu Aye in my bedroom.
And you know what?  I've been discovering the healing powers of Thor lately,  Who has been my patron God for so many years. I had to go through all this,  to get to a level of faith that is hardly ever talked about by heathens. Isn't life wonderful!

In another post I will write about how the Goddess came into my life to stay. Another thing most people in the asatru community can't understand. You can find it here: About Freya and The Goddess
I'm OK with that. I just walk my own winding path. I never chose my Gods,  the Gods picked me. And I don't want to call myself asatru anymore, or heathen. I'm proud to be just myself.

Wicca? Witchcraft? hmmm

A while ago there were some lively discussions about witchcraft, in Dutch groups on Facebook. It was just like the 'Old Times' when exactly the same discussions took place on the internet forums that predated Facebook. And after all these years I see the same people, making the same statements all over again. So I would like to repeat my own point of view, which hasn't changed either. But now I can write about it with even more confidence.



Are witchcraft and wicca the same?

Oh no! No, no! they are not!  No matter how hard some Wiccans try to claim the word witchcraft all for themselves.


Wicca is a branch on the tree of the western mystery tradition. It is an initiatory religion, with a set of characteristic of its own.
Casting circles, altars, watchtowers, swords, elements and directions corresponding with each other, it all comes from ceremonial magic and has very little to do with ancient witchcraft.  The basic initiation rites are, slightly altered, copies from the rites of free masonry.The God and Goddess are based on a mythology that developed from the work of some romantic scholars. The 8 festivals are a combination of Celtic folklore and modern Druid influences.

It is a beautiful tradition! Gardner did an excellent job and created a meaningful new religion, that has great importance in this time.

No wonder wicca has inspired so many non-wiccans to copy all that has ever been published about it and start their own little traditions. Some call themselves eclectic witches, some traditional, or hereditary witches, neo wicca, etc.

Just look at how many new traditions have invented their own founding mythologies about grandmother's who were witch queens, or chief high priestesses, while all they offer is a watered down version of wicca, based on the many books published about it. Some ask loads of money for membership of a 'coven', with guaranteed initiation after a year and a day. But they can never offer the quality of a genuin wicca training (which is almost free btw)
So at first sight you would say, that all modern western witchcraft indeed stems from wicca.

But is it witchcraft?

Do you have to believe in a God and Goddess to be a witch?
I don't think so!
Do you have to cast a circle to do the work of a witch?
Not really!
Do you need wicca tools , like pentacle and athame, etc, to be a witch?
No you don't!
Do you need to be initiated into any kind of tradition to be a witch?
Absolutely not!
Celebrate 8 festivals? Dance naked in the moonlight? Cake and wine ceremonies? 
All lovely customs, but it doesn't really make you a witch!

Real witches are found all over the world. Some are good, some bad, most are something in between. They are called with many local names, but in the west we know them as medicine man, witch doctor, shaman. They are men and women who know how to cross the border between the living and the dead, between the world of people and the Gods and spirits. And they not only know how to come back again, with useful information, they also know how to use the information from the other world in a most practical way.

This ancient wisdom can also still be found in modern Europe, if you try hard enough to find it. Some people did and they have nothing to do with wicca or anything like it. Seidhr workers for example, or hoodoo practitioners, or any other practitioner of a  witchcraft tradition from remote parts of the world.

I am seidhr worker and I learned my craft from the Spirits, through shamanism and the study of Old Norse sagas and European folklore. Seidhr is the real witchcraft of Old Europe, not a romantic reconstruction of a made up 'old religion', but the real, sometimes scary, stuff.
When I hold my staff, sing my song and the Spirits gather round  to sing with me,
I am practising witchcraft.
When I sing a little song in the light of the full moon and next morning happens what I was singing about,
I am practising witchcraft
When I let a Spirit work through me while I heal a client with just my voice,
I am practising witchcraft.
When I go out to the local herb garden, to bring an offering to its guardian and pray for the right amount of rain and sunshine for his garden,
I am practising witchcraft.
When I'm lost in the city and a crow comes to show me the way,
it is the result of me practising witchcraft.

This has nothing to do with initiation, fancy tools, or ceremonial magic.
This has nothing to do with wicca, nor with its offspring.

The witchcraft I practise is much older and is taught mostly by Spirits. All it takes is dedicated training, courage and a lot of common sense.
If someone tells me I'm not a witch because I'm not initiated into wicca, it makes me smile. It just shows, that the person doesn't really know what is going on in the worlds.

A candle a day won't chase your monsters away

Found this cute candle holder at www.wulflund.com

I burn candles for other people on a regular basis. I feel it is a great way to add something extra to your best wishes. It is a little extra energy you can send to the Spirit Helpers, for them to use to assist the person you burn the candle for. Always when I light a candle for this purpose, I say a prayer with it. Otherwise, I feel, it is just an empty gesture. Maybe the prayer is more important than the candle itself, which might just be a nice focus point.

Also in case of a disagreement, I will often light a little tea light. Wishing for the well-being of the other person and sending light to the problem, so we might find a way out. Again this is a little extra energy to support the finding of a solution.

For a while I've been surrounded by people who would use candle magic for any given problem. And in case of quarrels they would certainly advise to burn a tea light. An other advise they would give is to let go.
Burn a candle and let go.
"Give it light and forget about it, don't hang on to the problem!" Is the advise I was given repeatedly.
I really tried. And I can tell you it does not work.

Pain needs to be acknowledged, not pushed away. A conflict needs talking, to be resolved and problems need to be faced. Just lighting a candle, is walking away from your responsibility as an adult to handle the difficulties in life.
It might seem like a beautiful spiritual solution, this uplifting your spirit with light. But it can become a base excuse for hiding from everything you don't like.
Let me  quote Jung here:
“There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."

If you don't face your problems, if you're not willing to talk about conflict, you are just fooling yourself with your little tea lights. Nothing will be resolved, you will just feel a little better for the moment, while all the 'un-niceness' lies rotting and is growing under its cover.
This is why there are truth commissions in parts of the world where horrific conflicts have to be solved. Darkness has to be faced and talked about, pain needs to be expressed. You will only be ably to really let go and move on, when your story has been heard.

It was nice to learn to work with more light, but I'm very grateful that I had already learned to work with darkness too. You can find TRUE light in the deepest darkness, but only if you dare to go there. Surrounding yourself with candles and hoping that the darkness will go away, is deceiving yourself, and others.

Today while pondering this theme and remembering how I broke with the 'light a candle and let go people' I realized this about myself:
I have a sharp mind, I have sharp eyes, I have a sharp third eye.
And if you piss me of I have a sharp tongue too.
Some people hate me for this, but I'm kinda proud to be able to see darkness in others AND in my self, to talk about it, accept it and then burn a little candle to relieve it.

Morals of the Great Mother

One of my books with stories about Lady Holda

I've been reading a lot about Lady Holda lately, a Goddess who I see as The Great Mother of Northern Europe. All over the internet people have written about who She is on websites and blogs and I won't repeat all that. All I want to write about today are  the folk tales that were still told about Her in the 19th century and the message those stories contain.

These tales are not at all a (re)constructed mythology, written down by poets and priests. These are just stories that tell how common people thought about right and wrong and how a supernatural Female Being would sometimes come and set things right.

When I first read these stories, I thought they were heavily influenced by Christian morality. The good ones are rewarded and the bad ones get punished. But I came to realize that these morals go far beyond Christianity. These values are ancient and show what was common sense for our ancestors.

While reading up on Lady Holda, two modern times messages caught my attention. One was a video going viral on Facebook, about a man with a good heart helping a little boy, who many years later was rewarded for his good deed. The other was an article in a Belgian newspaper about how an employee in a bakery shop was fired, because she had given some leftover cookies to a homeless guy.
One fantasy from Asia and one true story from ‘around the corner’, both retelling the theme of the folk tales about Holda.

Specially the stingy shop keeper reminded me of one of the stories I read about Holda.
It's about a miserly farmer who just hated it that his servant girl gave half of her bread to a poor old lady, who they met daily on their way to the fields. So every day he gave her a smaller piece, but she would always give half of it to the old woman. In the end he gave the girl nothing and she wept bitter tears when she saw the woman and had nothing to give. Other servants found pearls where her tears had fallen on the ground. When the farmer found out, he went back to the place and found a castle where he feasted on lovely foods. He stuffed his pockets with it, but when he came home, it had all turned into cow dung. Realizing what he had been eating, he threw up and flung the content of his pockets to the good girl. She went to the pump to wash it off and heard the tinkling of golden coins...

Many, many stories about this Old Goddess repeat the same message over and over again. Those who have a good heart and are willing to help others, will be rewarded one day. And those who are greedy and cold hearted, will get what is coming to them.
The Great Mother comes to walk among the people to test their hearts. And there is no question about what She does and does not like. It is an ancient value system, the base of any healthy community. It is about the willingness to share and the willingness to help others who are not able to help themselves.

And people nowadays still long for these values. But those are hard to find in this materialistic modern society, where money and short term profit prevail. Hence this YouTube video that everyone loves to share.

I feel this is the reason why more and more people want to get to know The Goddess again. This is why it is time for Her return! It is time to reinstall Her wisdom, with which we can build a healthy society again.


For those who really don't know who Lady Holda is, here is a video I made in Her honor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF5Xgsj-ZCo

Is it OK to insult the Gods?

To me the Gods have personalities and sometimes I may not like what They (don't!) say or do. Sometimes I can even get really angry with Them, just like with human beings.

I remember one day when I was particularly upset with The Goddess and I covered Her whole altar, because I did not want to see Her for a while. It didn't last for long, the house felt so empty and cold, I removed the cloth within a few hours. She was there for me, as always and we 'talked' things over. This kind of incidents always happen when there’s a lesson for me, that I don’t want to see . . .

So at certain times I don't like my Gods at all and I let them know.
I feel being honest about your feelings is basic for a healthy relationship.  Anyway They know how I feel, so hiding would be silly.

But you don't have to insult someone when you're angry.
I know I have insulted people in the past, after all I'm only human, but I never scolded a Deity. I did draw the line once in a while, like "I don't want You to do that every again!". Maybe even threatened to remove an altar, or to stop offering. But that was it.

I think it's perfectly OK to be angry with your Gods sometimes and express it. Privately!
Even if you want to insult Them, go ahead, it's your own responsibility.
But in a ritual where people are present whom you are not very close with, it's a different ball game in my opinion. Also if you are not leading a ceremony, your priority should be to consider the feelings of other participants in the group. Because during a ritual everything said or done has extra impact and everyone present has the same right to a pleasant and meaningfull experience.

It happened to me, one day during an asatru weekend, that I hailed Thor, thanking Him for His true friendship over the years and then the person next to me took the horn with mead and started scolding Him. Apparently she had had some trouble with the Gods and She took this opportunity to 'settle her score' with Thor. Calling him untrustworthy and demanding the asnwer she wanted that instant.

I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. I did not want to be part of this, but I also did not want to make an even bigger scene by leaving the circle. Later I heard this had not been a spontaneous outburst, this woman had planned to use the energy raised by others, to try to force an answer she had been waiting for, for quite a while. Had I known what she planned to do, I would have chosen not to participate in this ritual. But now it was forced upon me and I didn't know what to do about it.

Some years later I tried to talk about it with her, because we keep meeting each other in the small Dutch pagan community and I hoped it would be possible to clear the air. Maybe she would apologise, or at least acknowledge my uncomfortable feelings about what happened. But she claimed it had been an absolutely normal thing to do in asatru circles and that I was just overreacting. She was shouting at me within a few minutes and I just walked away.

But it left me puzzled.
Really?
Is it OK to insult the Gods in a (semi) public circle for some pagans?

About money and why I like to offer spiritual services for donations only

Nothing gets people more defensive than a discussion about spirituality and money. Last week I followed yet another one of these on Facebook and read some amazingly askew arguments (from my point of view that is )
This made me realize that it might be a good idea to explain why  I prefer to work for donations. Because I learned that it can cause a lot of confusion for people who have a quite different outlook on life.

Let me start with saying that I understand perfectly well that people who give workshops etc, have to pay the rent for a venue and make other costs. And I also understand that money is a very handy medium of exchange and is needed in this society, to buy all the stuff you need to live.  So I have absolutely nothing against people who give spiritual workshops and ask money for it. As long as prices are reasonable and there are no initiations involved.

But I make different choices in life and I have a strong objection against the idea that value can only be expressed in money. To me there are things that are way more important. I feel this focus on money has made the western society sickening, unnecessarely harsh and unnatural . And I think it's a shame that the spiritual community is also contaminated with the virus of marketing and profits. Are these not the people who should know better and who could show a different, better way of living with each other? If they don’t, who will?

The next thing I want to make clear is that I do not ask just for donations, because I feel that what I have to offer isn't worth much. On the contrary! I think there is no price tag that fits my work :-)
A set price means nothing in terms of value. For some  €50,- means very little, they can spend it in half an hour, on lunch. For others it’s the budget they are struggling with for a whole week. So at times €5,- can be much more valuable than €20,- or even €100,-

My spirituality is not about money, I want to keep the two separate for several reasons.
The moment people make themselves dependant on the income coming from their spiritual activities, they will have to face some difficult choices, one day or the other.
For example: Who will you, and will you not, accept as student?
Tough choice when you have to pay the rent and this person with psychological problems will bring two more students...
Or there are not enough subscriptions for your advanced class ....

Money shows its real dark side when it comes to initiation. If your students have already paid for the package, how can you refuse to give what is paid for? No matter if someone is ready for it or not, you will have to deliver this initiation. Which makes it drop in value rapidly.
Now money has become a medium of power and the power is with the one who paid.

The power of money can also be on the side of the teacher of course. When students have paid in advance,  you can be (more or less) sure they won't cancel for just any reason. That way you can force people not to change their mind.
Oh yes, I hate it too when people cancel last minute, or worse: stay away without notice. But at least I know that the people who are there, really want to be there at that moment and did not come just because they didn't want to lose their money.

So I choose not to have to make tough choices. I choose to keep my spirituality as pure as possible.
And I can afford to work this way, because I don't have to rent a venue. My temple is at home.

But I admit, I too do need some money to keep things going. Candles, incense, sage, tea, cookies, cushions, folding chairs, etc don't grow on my balcony.
The donations provide for this, there is always just enough money to buy what is needed. That's the way the universe works.

And yes of course it also happens that people take advantage sometimes. Some people simply can't resist a bargain, while they don't need one. They don't realize they are just lowering their own value as a person, when they force a real bargain on someone, who wasn't offering it in the first place. This is just a symptom of this sick society.
Luckily this is balanced with people who give a little more than necessary.
All in all I'm really blessed with the people around me! :-)

Light and Darkness

Yesterday I attended an evening in memory of a special lady, who decided to leave this world recently. It was a lovely event, organized with so much love and care. A community of beautiful people commemorating a beloved member who passed away so unexpectedly.

It brought back memories of another large mourning ritual, the funeral of a pagan leader. And I couldn't help noticing some distinct differences.

Yesterday was a new age gathering and usually I never really feel at home in this kind of setting. But this time it felt good, I admired the dedication, the love and care this community showed. Beautiful speeches full of appreciation, gratitude, humility and hope. Lovely music played by inspired and sometimes emotional artists.

What a contrast with some of the speeches at that other funeral, with a lot of self-importance and worst of all: covert vinger pointing to the person who was seen by some as the root cause of the deceased's illness. Ego boosting and back stabbing, this was my community of witches and pagans, but I did not at all feel comfortable there that night.

So yesterday I was struck by this difference between Paganism and New Age. And I thought it obvious that in New Age a lot more attention is given to personal development. In contrast with paganism where more emphasis lies on ritual skills and magic.

But on my way home I realized something had been missing on this memorial evening. Yes, this girl was enthusiastic, energetic, radiant and her smile was amazing, but. . . . . . she did take her own life.
And, though a beautiful poem about inner darkness was read and her boyfriend did talk about taking more notice of the troubles of your neighbors across the street . . . . .,  no-one spoke about how not anyone in this loving community had been able to prevent this tragedy. No-one spoke about how there could be others, dancing right beside you or even hugging you, who are also hiding an almost unbearable pain behind a lovely smile.

Light and love covering the darkness behind the masks, in one community. And ugly darkness covering the light of what had also been good, in the other.
Of course this is a black and white picture that does no justice to both groups of people. It is just my observation, frozen in this moment of time.
It leaves me with the question I've been asking myself so often lately: where are the people I can feel really at home with?

Light and dark, both present inside me. I've been fascinated by darkness for many years and loved to surround myself with people who are not afraid of dark and death, secrets and the occult. But I grew into appreciating light, love and compassion more and more.

So now where do I belong ? Somewhere in the middle I guess.
Would anyone care to join me? Please?