The gap in Norse tradition I fell into

I once considered myself to be asatru. I was true to the Norse Gods, studied the poetic Edda in 3 different translations, discussed the lore with heathens from all over the world on the (then rather new) internet and read every book about Nose mythology and European folk traditions I could get my hands on.
Me being what I am, I've always been a somewhat out of the box asatru of course.  Shamanism and direct spiritual experiences don't go well with many members of the heathen community.

About 14 years ago something happened with me, that caused immobilizing chronic pain. After seeing dozens of doctors and therapists for many years , I gave up the fight and just learned to live with the pain and accepted life would never be the same again.
I had lost my job, walked with a crutch, could not ride a bike (disaster in the Netherlands) and had to rest many hours during the day.

One day I went to get some incense in the Botanica in Amsterdam, where I live,  and was invited to attend the Misa Espiritual. I had told the Santero that I was true to the Norse Gods,  but I was welcome anyway, so I went. I had no idea what to expect, but was very, very curious. It was a strange experience, with a lot of roman catholic prayer and me not understanding at all what was going on.

That afternoon I was told that I was the daughter of San Lazaro.  And that he could heal me, if I did a little ritual for him.
I Was terribly confused when I got home. How could I be the daughter of a South American saint, or even worse: an African God, while I had already been called by the Norse Gods?!
It had never occurred to me before, to ask my Gods for healing. People don't easily talk about these things in the asatru community.
At first I thought that maybe San Lazaro,  would somehow be connected with one of the Norse Gods. But San Lazaro is Babalu Aye, "Father Earth", Who lives at the gate of the graveyard. There is no Norse Deity that even comes close to this African God.
I fell into a serious spiritual crisis.

Eir is the only one in the Norse pantheon known for healing powers. But we know hardly anything about Her.  Scholars are not even sure if She is a Goddess or a valkyrie. We just know the name and nothing else. I had no idea how to approach Her,  what to offer,  how to address Her. And none could tell me,  not in Holland and not on the international email lists.
While the Santero had given me detailed information about what to get for San Lazaro,  colors,  numbers, offerings, even a special kind of fabric.

After months of research, doubt, distress and even feeling guilty,  I decided to cast the runes. They indicated no problem at all! So I went to the botanica, bought the purple candle. I got the red unions, the sack,  black eyed peas, etc and set up a little altar for this Saint who represented an African God.
The candle burned for 7 days and one morning during that week I woke up with the inspiration to do some very subtle, micro level, stretching exercises.
To cut a long story short: I ride my bike again, walk without crutch and can do much more than I could ever dream of in the days before I met  Babalu Aye!

This happened years ago. I've been a regular visitor of the Botanica for a long time and I observed how effective their way of doing things is. I adopted some of the customs I saw there into my own daily practice, after adjusting them to my own ways and my Gods are not complaining at all.
The most important and beautiful thing I learned from Don Azito was how to reconnect with my ancestors. The Norse tradition had never given me the tools to overcome the trauma of a very difficult family history. He taught me how to make peace with myself and the deceased.  The threads were once cut, but my ancestors are standing right behind me now.

I learned all I could in the Botanica and then had to leave,  things were getting uncomfortable. I guess my Gods felt it was enough, I had learned what I had to learn.  I don't go there anymore, but I will always be grateful for Don Azito's wonderful lessons and support. And I keep a little shrine for Babalu Aye in my bedroom.
And you know what?  I've been discovering the healing powers of Thor lately,  Who has been my patron God for so many years. I had to go through all this,  to get to a level of faith that is hardly ever talked about by heathens. Isn't life wonderful!

In another post I will write about how the Goddess came into my life to stay. Another thing most people in the asatru community can't understand. You can find it here: About Freya and The Goddess
I'm OK with that. I just walk my own winding path. I never chose my Gods,  the Gods picked me. And I don't want to call myself asatru anymore, or heathen. I'm proud to be just myself.

Wicca? Witchcraft? hmmm

A while ago there were some lively discussions about witchcraft, in Dutch groups on Facebook. It was just like the 'Old Times' when exactly the same discussions took place on the internet forums that predated Facebook. And after all these years I see the same people, making the same statements all over again. So I would like to repeat my own point of view, which hasn't changed either. But now I can write about it with even more confidence.



Are witchcraft and wicca the same?

Oh no! No, no! they are not!  No matter how hard some Wiccans try to claim the word witchcraft all for themselves.


Wicca is a branch on the tree of the western mystery tradition. It is an initiatory religion, with a set of characteristic of its own.
Casting circles, altars, watchtowers, swords, elements and directions corresponding with each other, it all comes from ceremonial magic and has very little to do with ancient witchcraft.  The basic initiation rites are, slightly altered, copies from the rites of free masonry.The God and Goddess are based on a mythology that developed from the work of some romantic scholars. The 8 festivals are a combination of Celtic folklore and modern Druid influences.

It is a beautiful tradition! Gardner did an excellent job and created a meaningful new religion, that has great importance in this time.

No wonder wicca has inspired so many non-wiccans to copy all that has ever been published about it and start their own little traditions. Some call themselves eclectic witches, some traditional, or hereditary witches, neo wicca, etc.

Just look at how many new traditions have invented their own founding mythologies about grandmother's who were witch queens, or chief high priestesses, while all they offer is a watered down version of wicca, based on the many books published about it. Some ask loads of money for membership of a 'coven', with guaranteed initiation after a year and a day. But they can never offer the quality of a genuin wicca training (which is almost free btw)
So at first sight you would say, that all modern western witchcraft indeed stems from wicca.

But is it witchcraft?

Do you have to believe in a God and Goddess to be a witch?
I don't think so!
Do you have to cast a circle to do the work of a witch?
Not really!
Do you need wicca tools , like pentacle and athame, etc, to be a witch?
No you don't!
Do you need to be initiated into any kind of tradition to be a witch?
Absolutely not!
Celebrate 8 festivals? Dance naked in the moonlight? Cake and wine ceremonies? 
All lovely customs, but it doesn't really make you a witch!

Real witches are found all over the world. Some are good, some bad, most are something in between. They are called with many local names, but in the west we know them as medicine man, witch doctor, shaman. They are men and women who know how to cross the border between the living and the dead, between the world of people and the Gods and spirits. And they not only know how to come back again, with useful information, they also know how to use the information from the other world in a most practical way.

This ancient wisdom can also still be found in modern Europe, if you try hard enough to find it. Some people did and they have nothing to do with wicca or anything like it. Seidhr workers for example, or hoodoo practitioners, or any other practitioner of a  witchcraft tradition from remote parts of the world.

I am seidhr worker and I learned my craft from the Spirits, through shamanism and the study of Old Norse sagas and European folklore. Seidhr is the real witchcraft of Old Europe, not a romantic reconstruction of a made up 'old religion', but the real, sometimes scary, stuff.
When I hold my staff, sing my song and the Spirits gather round  to sing with me,
I am practising witchcraft.
When I sing a little song in the light of the full moon and next morning happens what I was singing about,
I am practising witchcraft
When I let a Spirit work through me while I heal a client with just my voice,
I am practising witchcraft.
When I go out to the local herb garden, to bring an offering to its guardian and pray for the right amount of rain and sunshine for his garden,
I am practising witchcraft.
When I'm lost in the city and a crow comes to show me the way,
it is the result of me practising witchcraft.

This has nothing to do with initiation, fancy tools, or ceremonial magic.
This has nothing to do with wicca, nor with its offspring.

The witchcraft I practise is much older and is taught mostly by Spirits. All it takes is dedicated training, courage and a lot of common sense.
If someone tells me I'm not a witch because I'm not initiated into wicca, it makes me smile. It just shows, that the person doesn't really know what is going on in the worlds.

A candle a day won't chase your monsters away

Found this cute candle holder at www.wulflund.com

I burn candles for other people on a regular basis. I feel it is a great way to add something extra to your best wishes. It is a little extra energy you can send to the Spirit Helpers, for them to use to assist the person you burn the candle for. Always when I light a candle for this purpose, I say a prayer with it. Otherwise, I feel, it is just an empty gesture. Maybe the prayer is more important than the candle itself, which might just be a nice focus point.

Also in case of a disagreement, I will often light a little tea light. Wishing for the well-being of the other person and sending light to the problem, so we might find a way out. Again this is a little extra energy to support the finding of a solution.

For a while I've been surrounded by people who would use candle magic for any given problem. And in case of quarrels they would certainly advise to burn a tea light. An other advise they would give is to let go.
Burn a candle and let go.
"Give it light and forget about it, don't hang on to the problem!" Is the advise I was given repeatedly.
I really tried. And I can tell you it does not work.

Pain needs to be acknowledged, not pushed away. A conflict needs talking, to be resolved and problems need to be faced. Just lighting a candle, is walking away from your responsibility as an adult to handle the difficulties in life.
It might seem like a beautiful spiritual solution, this uplifting your spirit with light. But it can become a base excuse for hiding from everything you don't like.
Let me  quote Jung here:
“There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."

If you don't face your problems, if you're not willing to talk about conflict, you are just fooling yourself with your little tea lights. Nothing will be resolved, you will just feel a little better for the moment, while all the 'un-niceness' lies rotting and is growing under its cover.
This is why there are truth commissions in parts of the world where horrific conflicts have to be solved. Darkness has to be faced and talked about, pain needs to be expressed. You will only be ably to really let go and move on, when your story has been heard.

It was nice to learn to work with more light, but I'm very grateful that I had already learned to work with darkness too. You can find TRUE light in the deepest darkness, but only if you dare to go there. Surrounding yourself with candles and hoping that the darkness will go away, is deceiving yourself, and others.

Today while pondering this theme and remembering how I broke with the 'light a candle and let go people' I realized this about myself:
I have a sharp mind, I have sharp eyes, I have a sharp third eye.
And if you piss me of I have a sharp tongue too.
Some people hate me for this, but I'm kinda proud to be able to see darkness in others AND in my self, to talk about it, accept it and then burn a little candle to relieve it.

Morals of the Great Mother

One of my books with stories about Lady Holda

I've been reading a lot about Lady Holda lately, a Goddess who I see as The Great Mother of Northern Europe. All over the internet people have written about who She is on websites and blogs and I won't repeat all that. All I want to write about today are  the folk tales that were still told about Her in the 19th century and the message those stories contain.

These tales are not at all a (re)constructed mythology, written down by poets and priests. These are just stories that tell how common people thought about right and wrong and how a supernatural Female Being would sometimes come and set things right.

When I first read these stories, I thought they were heavily influenced by Christian morality. The good ones are rewarded and the bad ones get punished. But I came to realize that these morals go far beyond Christianity. These values are ancient and show what was common sense for our ancestors.

While reading up on Lady Holda, two modern times messages caught my attention. One was a video going viral on Facebook, about a man with a good heart helping a little boy, who many years later was rewarded for his good deed. The other was an article in a Belgian newspaper about how an employee in a bakery shop was fired, because she had given some leftover cookies to a homeless guy.
One fantasy from Asia and one true story from ‘around the corner’, both retelling the theme of the folk tales about Holda.

Specially the stingy shop keeper reminded me of one of the stories I read about Holda.
It's about a miserly farmer who just hated it that his servant girl gave half of her bread to a poor old lady, who they met daily on their way to the fields. So every day he gave her a smaller piece, but she would always give half of it to the old woman. In the end he gave the girl nothing and she wept bitter tears when she saw the woman and had nothing to give. Other servants found pearls where her tears had fallen on the ground. When the farmer found out, he went back to the place and found a castle where he feasted on lovely foods. He stuffed his pockets with it, but when he came home, it had all turned into cow dung. Realizing what he had been eating, he threw up and flung the content of his pockets to the good girl. She went to the pump to wash it off and heard the tinkling of golden coins...

Many, many stories about this Old Goddess repeat the same message over and over again. Those who have a good heart and are willing to help others, will be rewarded one day. And those who are greedy and cold hearted, will get what is coming to them.
The Great Mother comes to walk among the people to test their hearts. And there is no question about what She does and does not like. It is an ancient value system, the base of any healthy community. It is about the willingness to share and the willingness to help others who are not able to help themselves.

And people nowadays still long for these values. But those are hard to find in this materialistic modern society, where money and short term profit prevail. Hence this YouTube video that everyone loves to share.

I feel this is the reason why more and more people want to get to know The Goddess again. This is why it is time for Her return! It is time to reinstall Her wisdom, with which we can build a healthy society again.


For those who really don't know who Lady Holda is, here is a video I made in Her honor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF5Xgsj-ZCo

Is it OK to insult the Gods?

To me the Gods have personalities and sometimes I may not like what They (don't!) say or do. Sometimes I can even get really angry with Them, just like with human beings.

I remember one day when I was particularly upset with The Goddess and I covered Her whole altar, because I did not want to see Her for a while. It didn't last for long, the house felt so empty and cold, I removed the cloth within a few hours. She was there for me, as always and we 'talked' things over. This kind of incidents always happen when there’s a lesson for me, that I don’t want to see . . .

So at certain times I don't like my Gods at all and I let them know.
I feel being honest about your feelings is basic for a healthy relationship.  Anyway They know how I feel, so hiding would be silly.

But you don't have to insult someone when you're angry.
I know I have insulted people in the past, after all I'm only human, but I never scolded a Deity. I did draw the line once in a while, like "I don't want You to do that every again!". Maybe even threatened to remove an altar, or to stop offering. But that was it.

I think it's perfectly OK to be angry with your Gods sometimes and express it. Privately!
Even if you want to insult Them, go ahead, it's your own responsibility.
But in a ritual where people are present whom you are not very close with, it's a different ball game in my opinion. Also if you are not leading a ceremony, your priority should be to consider the feelings of other participants in the group. Because during a ritual everything said or done has extra impact and everyone present has the same right to a pleasant and meaningfull experience.

It happened to me, one day during an asatru weekend, that I hailed Thor, thanking Him for His true friendship over the years and then the person next to me took the horn with mead and started scolding Him. Apparently she had had some trouble with the Gods and She took this opportunity to 'settle her score' with Thor. Calling him untrustworthy and demanding the asnwer she wanted that instant.

I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. I did not want to be part of this, but I also did not want to make an even bigger scene by leaving the circle. Later I heard this had not been a spontaneous outburst, this woman had planned to use the energy raised by others, to try to force an answer she had been waiting for, for quite a while. Had I known what she planned to do, I would have chosen not to participate in this ritual. But now it was forced upon me and I didn't know what to do about it.

Some years later I tried to talk about it with her, because we keep meeting each other in the small Dutch pagan community and I hoped it would be possible to clear the air. Maybe she would apologise, or at least acknowledge my uncomfortable feelings about what happened. But she claimed it had been an absolutely normal thing to do in asatru circles and that I was just overreacting. She was shouting at me within a few minutes and I just walked away.

But it left me puzzled.
Really?
Is it OK to insult the Gods in a (semi) public circle for some pagans?

About money and why I like to offer spiritual services for donations only

Nothing gets people more defensive than a discussion about spirituality and money. Last week I followed yet another one of these on Facebook and read some amazingly askew arguments (from my point of view that is )
This made me realize that it might be a good idea to explain why  I prefer to work for donations. Because I learned that it can cause a lot of confusion for people who have a quite different outlook on life.

Let me start with saying that I understand perfectly well that people who give workshops etc, have to pay the rent for a venue and make other costs. And I also understand that money is a very handy medium of exchange and is needed in this society, to buy all the stuff you need to live.  So I have absolutely nothing against people who give spiritual workshops and ask money for it. As long as prices are reasonable and there are no initiations involved.

But I make different choices in life and I have a strong objection against the idea that value can only be expressed in money. To me there are things that are way more important. I feel this focus on money has made the western society sickening, unnecessarely harsh and unnatural . And I think it's a shame that the spiritual community is also contaminated with the virus of marketing and profits. Are these not the people who should know better and who could show a different, better way of living with each other? If they don’t, who will?

The next thing I want to make clear is that I do not ask just for donations, because I feel that what I have to offer isn't worth much. On the contrary! I think there is no price tag that fits my work :-)
A set price means nothing in terms of value. For some  €50,- means very little, they can spend it in half an hour, on lunch. For others it’s the budget they are struggling with for a whole week. So at times €5,- can be much more valuable than €20,- or even €100,-

My spirituality is not about money, I want to keep the two separate for several reasons.
The moment people make themselves dependant on the income coming from their spiritual activities, they will have to face some difficult choices, one day or the other.
For example: Who will you, and will you not, accept as student?
Tough choice when you have to pay the rent and this person with psychological problems will bring two more students...
Or there are not enough subscriptions for your advanced class ....

Money shows its real dark side when it comes to initiation. If your students have already paid for the package, how can you refuse to give what is paid for? No matter if someone is ready for it or not, you will have to deliver this initiation. Which makes it drop in value rapidly.
Now money has become a medium of power and the power is with the one who paid.

The power of money can also be on the side of the teacher of course. When students have paid in advance,  you can be (more or less) sure they won't cancel for just any reason. That way you can force people not to change their mind.
Oh yes, I hate it too when people cancel last minute, or worse: stay away without notice. But at least I know that the people who are there, really want to be there at that moment and did not come just because they didn't want to lose their money.

So I choose not to have to make tough choices. I choose to keep my spirituality as pure as possible.
And I can afford to work this way, because I don't have to rent a venue. My temple is at home.

But I admit, I too do need some money to keep things going. Candles, incense, sage, tea, cookies, cushions, folding chairs, etc don't grow on my balcony.
The donations provide for this, there is always just enough money to buy what is needed. That's the way the universe works.

And yes of course it also happens that people take advantage sometimes. Some people simply can't resist a bargain, while they don't need one. They don't realize they are just lowering their own value as a person, when they force a real bargain on someone, who wasn't offering it in the first place. This is just a symptom of this sick society.
Luckily this is balanced with people who give a little more than necessary.
All in all I'm really blessed with the people around me! :-)

Light and Darkness

Yesterday I attended an evening in memory of a special lady, who decided to leave this world recently. It was a lovely event, organized with so much love and care. A community of beautiful people commemorating a beloved member who passed away so unexpectedly.

It brought back memories of another large mourning ritual, the funeral of a pagan leader. And I couldn't help noticing some distinct differences.

Yesterday was a new age gathering and usually I never really feel at home in this kind of setting. But this time it felt good, I admired the dedication, the love and care this community showed. Beautiful speeches full of appreciation, gratitude, humility and hope. Lovely music played by inspired and sometimes emotional artists.

What a contrast with some of the speeches at that other funeral, with a lot of self-importance and worst of all: covert vinger pointing to the person who was seen by some as the root cause of the deceased's illness. Ego boosting and back stabbing, this was my community of witches and pagans, but I did not at all feel comfortable there that night.

So yesterday I was struck by this difference between Paganism and New Age. And I thought it obvious that in New Age a lot more attention is given to personal development. In contrast with paganism where more emphasis lies on ritual skills and magic.

But on my way home I realized something had been missing on this memorial evening. Yes, this girl was enthusiastic, energetic, radiant and her smile was amazing, but. . . . . . she did take her own life.
And, though a beautiful poem about inner darkness was read and her boyfriend did talk about taking more notice of the troubles of your neighbors across the street . . . . .,  no-one spoke about how not anyone in this loving community had been able to prevent this tragedy. No-one spoke about how there could be others, dancing right beside you or even hugging you, who are also hiding an almost unbearable pain behind a lovely smile.

Light and love covering the darkness behind the masks, in one community. And ugly darkness covering the light of what had also been good, in the other.
Of course this is a black and white picture that does no justice to both groups of people. It is just my observation, frozen in this moment of time.
It leaves me with the question I've been asking myself so often lately: where are the people I can feel really at home with?

Light and dark, both present inside me. I've been fascinated by darkness for many years and loved to surround myself with people who are not afraid of dark and death, secrets and the occult. But I grew into appreciating light, love and compassion more and more.

So now where do I belong ? Somewhere in the middle I guess.
Would anyone care to join me? Please?